horoscope!

i normally dont believe in this stuff but i hope its right!

2013: Aquarius Overview

Aquarius
2013 is the year when all of your hard work starts to truly pay off in spades. Saturn, the cosmic taskmaster, is taking up residence at the tip top of your horoscope for the next few years, giving you the make-it-or-break-it impetus to get the job done right. You've been biding your time over the past few years, collecting the necessary research and finding a slew of inspiring mentors. Now is your chance to finally get your genius concepts on the map where they belong. Yours has been a slow-and-steady climb rather than a meteoric rise to the top, thus you've built a rock-solid foundation to carry your dreams through with serious staying power. Your success is anything but a flash-in-the-pan. Over the next two years, you'll continue to work hard to build on earlier accomplishments and integrate all that you started investing in since 2000. Not only do you have the power of Saturn at full strength in your career zone for the next few years, but the mutual reception between Saturn and Pluto will quickly make you a triple-threat genius. Watch as all your latent talents quickly come rushing to the fore.
The eclipse patterns of 2013 add speed and force to the career promise that the stars have in store for you. The push of the North Node provides a definite if not unexpected fast-forward motion to any projects that have been on the back burner. Get ready for supreme acceleration with worldly status -- and life changes galore. Your home zone will also get hit by the eclipse patterns, which could generate a change of residence or just a total renovation to your existing domicile. Either way, you're getting ready for the kind of life-altering transformation that works on you from the ground up.
The pleasure cruise that began last summer will continue straight through until June as Jupiter continues to bless your love zone. Romance, creativity and sheer joy are in great abundance during the first half of the year. Use the good fortune of Jupiter in your love house to spend most of your days doing what you love most with those you adore most. If your life feels more like play than responsibility, you're living well and in accordance with the stars. You can get down to business during the second half of the year when Jupiter shifts houses and brings the bounty to your work and health house in June. The latter part of the year will keep you busy, so allow yourself the pleasure before the workload starts piling up. 2013 is the perfect balance of business and leisure for you, Aquarius!

gonna party like 3012 tonight...

Ok, forget my awesome Justin bieber song reference for a moment and realize it is almost 2013!! WTF where did 2012 go? I spent all year hoping those effing mayans were way off that I didn't really get a chance to make the most of it! I am going to do better in 2013.

 First things first, me. I am going to be the best me that I can be. (cliche right?) I want to put 100% into loving myself, who I am and what I am doing. I dont want to look back and say "I should have, I wish I would have...." I want to sit back and say "hell yes I did that!" I want to make sure that every move I make in 2013 is a step towards making my happy. I love those around me but sometimes I put others ahead of my happiness and I just cant do it anymore. I'm going to start doing right by me. And I am going to stop wondering what people think of me. Why do I give a sh*t? I don't need anyones validation but my own.

I want to listen to music more often, dance the night away, catch some super awesome seattle games (seahawks, sounders, mariners) Go swimming a ton this summer and always always have an open door for those who just want to stop by. I want to surround myself with people that mean something. People I can learn things from and who I really truly admire and appreciate. No wasting my time with people who wont waste theirs for me.

I want to smile more. Smile at strangers, smile with friends, smile a ton with my kids and husband. I want to hug more, Because a good hug can make anything ok. I wanna be the person that people believe I can be. I dont want to let anyone down. I am ready for 2013, are you?

getting a head start

I started my typical new years diet. This year I am doing  Take shape for life. Today is day one and I honestly am pretty satisfied with it. I am eating every 2 to 2.5 hours because my lazy ass slept until 930 lol. I like the taste of everything and made my first lean and green meal today for lunch. I do have a headache but that is expected when trying to come off of sugar and crap. I am excited for this one though and really hope I do well. I need to break my bad eating habits and this seems like a good way to do it!! I have my before weight and its terrifying. I think the scale wanted to just put "fatass" but for fear of a lawsuit it didn't. OH well though, nobody did it to me, I did it to me. I have to accept that and change. I did some math with the average results on this program and if i can stick with it until my reunion I should be down around 90lbs...I could hit my early goal of 100lbs by halloween for sure! My reward to myself?? Going as Harley Quinn and making Lance go as the joker! Ive wanted to for a few years now and have even played around with the makeup in my alone time (nerd alert, right?) But I just never thought I could pull it off.. well this might be the year!! Fingers crossed!

I really would love to do this version though, vs the classic (as sexy and amazing as it the classic is). But we will see how great I look by then!! But my first goal is 20lbs before my hubby gets home! Id love to surprise him a bit!

the self behind the self portrait.

Most of my blog readers are my friends on Facebook. And as many of you probably make jokes about, I post. A LOT. Call it an addiction, call it lame. Call it whatever. But the fact is is that I am a compulsive facebooker, at least while my husband is gone.

   I get bored, REALLY bored, once my kiddos go to sleep. I have super badass insomnia, and when I do sleep, I don't sleep well alone. I am a social person and love to know whats going on with people. But the rules of friendship include a "don't call me at 11pm just to chat" clause I think. So facebook it is. Plus it gives me a chance to creep peoples facebook photos. (that however leads to some super strange dreams, anybody wanna hear about my bonnie and clyde dream from the other night?!). I also post alot of self taken, angled right, head shots. The reason why I do this is far more detailed than just being bored.

  Before I begin to explain. Let me say this, I am PERFECTLY happy with myself, my husband and our marriage. We go through our rough patches like all couples and I am about to discuss one of those patches. This however is in no means an indication as to where we are today.

It started about 2 years ago when Lance was forced to move to CT for 8 months. We didn't go with him because of school and dance and we didn't want to lose the house we were renting. So I stayed here and he went there. It was REALLY hard. I missed him more than anything, even though we talked two or 3 times day. However after a few months, it became hard to find stuff to talk about and I felt like we were drifting. My husband is not a man of many words. He talks, but not a lot about how he feels. (he is a lot better now FYI) It is SUPER hard to feel like you mean something to someone with just a few I love yous at the end of a phone call. So I got this brilliant idea that if I started posting cute photos of myself on facebook, or text them to him, it might get him to tell me how beautiful I am or something. Well it didn't really work. What it did do though was get me a lot of positive feedback from other people though. Growing up fat alot of the feedback I got was on how to lose weight or how awesome my personality was. For one of the few times in my life I had so many people telling me how gorgeous I was. I couldn't believe it. I guess I enjoyed hearing it. What it did for my self esteem was incredible. I got a lot of my confidence back, you know that stuff I lost after gaining 100lbs during my first pregnancy? I felt amazing. However, the person I really needed it from, wasn't telling me that. I later found out that he did love the pictures, just assumed I knew that. (never assume guys, never). After a very very hard conversation that lead us to a place that was closer to the end than we have ever been before. We started fixing things. It took awhile. A long while. But it happened. We worked through our issues and things are great.

However when he is gone, I turn into this self loathing whoa is me girl who needs to be reassured about how incredible she is. I have issues. I know this. I get scared he is going to leave me, I worry I am not as good as other women. I have fears of ending up alone. When he is gone, these are worse. He isn't here to comfort me and reassure me that I am the one he loves. Aside from a few emails telling me how I am his whole world, I don't get much. Bring in the slew of self portraits and people telling me how great I look and voila, I am back to the confident self assured woman I usually am. Is this crazy, YUP! It sure is. but its me, and aside from heading down to my local therapist I just have to work through these issues on a day to day basis.

I know a lot of you may look at me different now, or judge me for all of this but I don't care. I am done caring. This is me, flaws, issues, everything. Like the famed song from Rent, "take me for what i am who i was meant to be and if you give a damn take me baby or leave me." I don't need lectures. I don't need fixed. I am not a princess that needs saving. I just need friends who love me for me.

topic brought to you by, Jayme!

VS + young girls = Oversexualized horny teenagers making babies. Kind of. Not every girl that walks into VS is walking out with a baby. But how many teen girls need lace thongs and push up bras? I get having the word PINK scrolled acrossed your ass is appealing, but at 14? On black friday my sister and I (both in our 20's and married) went to VS for their black friday sale. We were one of 5 people over the age of 18. And there was at least 100 people there. The store was FILLED with teenage girls with their hair and makeup done like it was freaking prom, holding up tiny panties and yelling to their friends "I need a 34b!" I cringed at the thought of my daughters one day in there. I know why I shop there (shocking right?) and it is for the sole purpose of looking sexy for my husband. What does a young girl have a need for that kind of stuff yet? Facebook me your thoughts :)

If this is the end.

For the record, I AM NOT one of these people that actually believe its ending. I have a strong faith in God and the fact that no one will know. But if it was, what would you have to say to people?

To keep from having a "hey you left me out" moment, I am going to generalize to different groups of people in my life. With a few exceptions. So here it goes.

Lance, my love, my life, my heart and my soul. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you. Everyday I think about how lucky I am to be a part of your life. You have done so much to make me feel loved and I hope that I have done enough to return the feeling. You make me smile when I'm sad, happy when I am mad, sane when I go crazy and calm when I get frantic. You are every love song all in one and always first person i think of in the morning and the last I think of at night. Forever and always babe.

To my girls, I have never in my life loved anything as much as you two. I am so proud of the little girls you are and you amaze me everyday with the things you say and do. You are the perfect mix of myself and your dad and I am so excited to watch what amazing things you will do in life. I will be there with you, every step of the way. You are incredible and never forget that.

To my family, You guys have always been there for me. Forever. and my life would not be where it is today without every single one of you. I found best friends in so many of you and although sometimes we are a little too crazy for words, it is amazing to know I always have people in my life that have no choice but to love me . :)

To my best friends. My BFFS. Those that are old, those that are newer, and those that are no longer.
Being hte best at something isn't always easy, but being best friends with all of you was the easiest thing in my life. You have all seen me laugh and cry. You have watched me get angry and watched me be happy. I always can count on you guys to be there for me when I need someone to tell me Im right and tell me it is always ok. To tell me that I am ok. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

To my navy family, the one family I never asked for but am so glad I got. I need you guys in my life more than I ever really knew. This life is hard. REALLY hard and without you guys, I would not survived. To those that give us guidance, your words of wisdom have done so much for us and made this journey a little easier. For the ones that keep us sane when the navy makes us crazy, you guys are our glue. You keep our lives in place when the world gets so chaotic. Our kids are so lucky to have "aunts" and "uncles" in so many of you, and to find best friends, first boyfriends ( Joe and Emily, I am talking to you guys! ) and family in your children. This life is hard. But you all make it easier!
 
To all my facebook friends. Thanks for keeping me entertained. I get so bored late at night when Lance is deployed and without you all, I would probably have watched everything on netflix by now. Thank you all for keeping my confidence high and my crazy low. It is always nice to be so interactive with people I barely see!!

To those that don't think they fit into any of those, trust me you do. By reading this , I know for a fact that you are an important part of my life and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

because we all like pictures and quotes!

came across these and thought you guys would like them as much as I did. I mean honestly, everything I learned about being fabulous, I learned from Miss Piggy!

My BBW fetish.

Ok it's not really a fetish per say, but the word fetish is so much fun! I have recently gotten on this whole " the body is beautiful" kick. And through all of this , I have found some pretty awesome facebook pages and tumblrs dedicated to the body, in all shapes and sizes. I have found some AMAZING bbw sites as well. Don't know what BBW is? Then chances are you aren't one, or aren't into them. It stands for big beautiful woman. After looking through these pages I start to feel amazing. Not because I think I look better than any of these women, but because here they are, in all their glory, letting people see them for who they are. Every curve, every dimple, every roll. And honestly, it is super empowering. I am a goddess. I am super sexy and super classy (sometimes) and I love me. I need to be proud of what I look like and know that it doesn't matter what other people like. I don't need to worry about camera angles and slimming clothing. I am who I am and owning is the only thing I have control over right now. Regardless of size or shape, I need to rock everything. My hair, my dumb glasses, my clothes, my shoes, my attitude and my words. I need to be the most awesome plus size Holli there is. I think I am doing a decent job but time to step it up. What is the worst thing that can happen? Someone calls me fat?? Hey guess what genius, I AM! Shocking I know. I assumed I appeared to be a size 3 to the rest of the world!! I am almost 28 years old. Time to start really loving what I have to work with. No longer going to fake it to make it! Give me a like on facebook if you think I am the most fabulous plus size pal you have :)

Ready for a package...

Last night I did it, I ordered my first round of take shape for life. I spent $265 and I am pretty sure it is going to be worth every penny. Merry Christmas to me! Giving myself the gift of weight loss!! lol. I am going to take before pictures (I take a lot of before pics huh?) But may not post them until my first month is over. I want you guys to instantly be able to tell a difference. I am hoping this will help my random sleep pattern and my 2 o'clock feeling. I hate that feeling. SALTS! (if you don't get that, start reading my facebook more , jerk. lol ) I have a very lofty goal set for myself for 2013 and I am hoping this is the resource to help me reach it. But we are going to start small, I am going to break up my goal into tiny milestones.

 1- to lose 25 lbs by my birthday (if you don't know it you suck as a friend :p)
 2- to lose a total of 45 lbs by our trip to diseny (end of march)
 3- 65lb gone by recital (end of june)
 4- to have 85lbs gone by halloween,


Now I know alot of you are going  OMG 85lbs, that is soo much. But honestly, have you SEEN me? I mean come on, in the scheme of me, 85 is not that much!!!  I am going to struggle I am sure. But I know Lexi wont let me fail!! I guess I need to buy a scale now to keep better track!! Now if my package would just get here!!!!

How dreams help my reality.

We have all had them, those dreams that feel so real, you wake up wondering where you are and if it really happened. Last night I had one of those dreams. It wasn't that I won a million dollars or that I was actually married to Channing Tatum. It was one where in the end, I ended up alone. And not alone because I wanted to be but because my marriage fell apart. It started off in a weird way, Lance and I ran into some old friends and by old friends I mean this couple that, for some instances beyond us, stopped talking to us (in real life). We all chatted and got caught up and all was well. We went to a party at their place and it was filled with people I know in my everyday life, or at least met once or twice. Throughout my dream, random events took place. People chatted and at some point I made dinner. While cooking a noticed Lance's cell phone on the counter. For some reason in my dream I had this urge to check it, and when I did I discovered some messages and pictures between him and a girl, who in my real life I find to be one of the most beautiful girls I know. I was heartbroken and angry and dream me confronted dream lance and all he said was " look at her and look at you. That is why" Now please understand that real life lance, loves me for all of me, who I was, who I am and who I will become. He would NEVER EVER say anything like that me, or do what he did in my dream. With him being gone it is hard not to feel alone. And sometimes I take that feeling with me when I go to sleep. Unlike all the other times I have dreams like this, I woke up from this one, not mad, but ready. Ready to change. I need it. It is time. I never ever want to feel like I am not pretty enough or thin enough. I want to be the girl that haunts other girls dreams. I want to be the one that never gets left alone.
  Today I am placing my order through take shape for life. I am ready for this and can't wait to get serious about this once and for all. I need this for me, for dream me, and for future me. No holding back, no regrets, no second chances and no mistakes. It's go time.

a dance mom

For the past 3 years I have had the honor of carrying the title of a dance mom. I've taken my daughters to classes, tied countless ballet shoes and tap strings. I have glittered shoes and made signs, mastered the art of putting mascara on a child. When I started taking Cailyn at 18months, all I wanted was something for her to do, she loved to dance ever since she could walk. Never in a million years did I think it would turn into such a big part of our lives, in such a short time.

First off I want to give a big shout out to Tanya, the owner of the studio for providing a place for kids to feel special. This studio has done so much for my daughters an it wouldn't be at all possible without her. I really have made some amazing friends there and they are like a family to me.*I also now have my real family there which is amazing!* They understand what I mean when I hand them a bobby pin, or ask them to put a leo on my child who is being rushed from school. I walk in the studio 3 times a week knowing that I am surrounded by mothers (and some fathers) who are living life the way I am, to give their children every chance they can to do something they love. I am slowly learning names of parents and dancers, and who belongs to who. It is a crazy world some days but honestly I love it.

This weekend I was so proud to watch my oldest baby dance her little heart out in the nutcracker. This moment is one she talked about all last year and I was so excited that she made it. What I was even more pleased with was the time that people take with my kids. Katie has been extraordinarily patient with my child and has taught her to come alive on stage. It was really something amazing to see. Not only was it the ones that took the time with Cailyn but it's the love for both my children. Ashlin also dances and is at the studio all the time with us for Cailyn's classes\. She barely ever has to walk or be entertained because there is always someone there scooping her up to play with her. Now from a mom stand point I love this because it gives me a chance to breathe. But it also gives my children some amazing people to look up to. The girls (and a few pretty awesome boys!) that surround my children leave their hearts on that dance floor every time they go out there and are amazing people outside the walls of the studio. They are kind, respectful and so patient. My girls have had some pretty young teachers and it makes me so happy when I see them take the time to teach them something new. My girls love them all so much, old and new, and I am so happy I made the choice to become a dance mom. I can't imagine us doing this anywhere else.

So to all of those at Just 4 Kicks, thank you for letting us into your world and giving my girls a chance to do something they love!!!

thanks life,thanks.

Ugh, so normally I am a pretty upbeat person....like i only spend 1/4 of my day complaining about shit. But right now I want to throw my fingers up and give life a giant eff you.

For the past few days things have been great, I have been in a good mood, getting stuff done, all fine and dandy. Today however I slipped on baby oil, dropped my toothbrush in the sink *did i mention it was AFTER I blow dryed my hair * and come to find out because people can't do their fucking jobs, I am going to be short a ton of money next paycheck. Right before Christmas.. SERIOUSLY? UUUUGGGGHHHHH. Then in my pissed off mood I come home and bang my stupid kneecap into the couch. It hurt so bad, all I want to do is curl up in a ball, drink tea and watch dumb people do stupid stuff on MTV. I want a redo of today so bad. Or to not be sitting here alone, wallowing in my own self pity. BLECK. Any advice on turning my sour grapes into just a little whine? (haha see what I did there, I am SO funny! :)*  I think once my kids go to sleep me and the captain are going to make it happen!!
*kind kidding about that, alcohol is not the answer to making life better, but it IS the answer to me not being a raging bitch tonight!

It's begining to look alot like fatsmas!

Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday, which is weird considering I was born on Valentines day. But there is something about the lights and the cold and all the giving that give me the warm tinglies inside. *and no not THOSE kind of tinglies, pervs* My life always feels so complete and full this time of year, and so does my stomach.
 I am a baker, not by profession but at my own damn choosing. I love to cook. I love to make cute little Santa shaped cookies and loads of shit covered in chocolate. My insides are probably all coated in chocolate by January usually. This year however I will not be nibbling on Santa's head or eating my weight in chocolate peanut butter balls, *holy eff that would be a lot!!* because I am choosing to ask for help. And that help is coming in the fabulous form of my friend Lexi. Like me she is a mother, a navy wife, a dance mom, driver, maid , cook, etc. She gets how my life works and she is also a health coach with take shape for life. It is a meal program designed to help you change your way of thinking about food. And since I obviously can't do this on my own, I am hoping this works. If not then I am going under the knife at the end of next year. And trust me the only thing I ever want to go under for is a boob job.
 I am kind of excited and totally freaking out. I have always told myself  I started this battle and I can win this war on my own. Well that is not true. No one person ever wins a war, there is a lot of people that have a hand in it. And I need those people. I need you guys.
 Today I went to the gym and got my ass moving again. It felt great and I forgot how much I get to think about when I am working out. It's like I have nothing else to worry about except whatever I am worrying about. * as a mom I have master at multi-worrying*
  I hope that my struggles and bumps and lumps make you laugh. But I also hope they help you realize that we are all people going through things. Some are as obvious as the dimples in my ass, and others are kept on the inside, hidden back from the world for a personal battle fought with the worst home team advantage ever. Take the time to get to know people. REALLY know them. Things might surprise you.

What I love about me

Instead of starting out about all the things going wrong with me right now, I want to focus on the positives first.

So to begin, I am freaking awesome. Seriously. Don't believe, ask someone who knows me really well. They will tell you. I am a great friend, I give awesome advice *so much so I am considering writing a book :)* I stand up for everything I believe in, even if it isn't the "right "thing. I am funny, like really funny. Not just one of those, did you hear the one about the guy, type but like actually funny. I have always been a lover AND a fighter and I think that is something that makes me special. I will love those in my life with a burning fire and dismiss those that wrong me in a heartbeat. I am quick to forgive when it is deserved and I don't deal with bullshit. AT ALL. Wanna call me out for being a bitch , go for it, chances are I was a bitch. I call everyone on their issues, someone has to call me on mine. I have an infectious smile that is never forced *unless its one of my cheesy self portraits for facebook!* I am plus sized and am proud of it. Losing weight isn't about getting an "ideal " body, it is about being healthy. I never wanna lose my curves. I am beautiful and I know it, but never ever accept a compliment without a thank you. I love to dance, and I don't care if I look ridiculous because I am having fun. My best memories are the times I have spent laughing. I love red lipstick and dark eyeliner. Not just because I think they are sexy, but because I think they are sexy on me. I plan on getting more tattoos because it is my body and I love the way they look. I can't sing but it doesn't stop me. I love shirts that show off my cleavage and shoes that show off my feet, I have cute feet. My favorite thing in my life is my family. Every crazy one of them. I would die for them. I make friends fast and keep friends longer.  I believe in equality for everyone no matter what, unless you are a real douche, then you need to be shot. I will someday take a burlesque class and be amazing at it. Just you all wait and see.


Chances are I will be pretty hard on myself in the next few posts. Someone please remind me of all the great things about me every now and then!

I'm back

Yup.It is official. I am going to start blogging again. Keep checking for more awesomeness about life in the fat lane :)

My *almost* deadly addiction.

Most people on here follow me on facebook. And most of you know about my recent health scare. I feel like writing about it in a little more detail on here though. It was a very scary event for me and when I say I had a reaction to caffeine I am sure a lot of people laugh but it can be a very serious thing.

When I became a mom I started drinking coffee at home. 1 or 2 cups a day so I didn't drop face first into a pile of cheerios or baby food. Living in Va, there wasn't coffee stands like here in WA. I missed them, so upon my return I jumped head first into cup after cup of delicious espresso. If I was running errands, I'd stop for my 16oz sugar free white chocolate mocha. If I was going to gone all day I'd make it a 20oz. Iced please. Some days when Lance was in CT I dabbled in the good stuff. You know the white coffee that some stands have. It's like heaven in your mouth. If I had to have pot coffee from home it was pretty strong. I remember having a house guest one time that commented on being jittery from one cup of my drip. I laughed. I drink 2 or 3 of those a day! Looking back I remember craving caffeine when I was pregnant with Ashlin. I could smell an open Pepsi a mile away. I can officially say now, I was addicted. The only logical thing was for

Lance to buy me an espresso machine for my birthday.

Well rewind to last Wednesday, I got up, made me a 2 shot mocha and went about my day. I had a meeting to go to the night so at about 5 I made myself a 16oz  sugar free cookie dough mocha , iced. with 2.5 shots. I was getting good at perfecting my coffees at home, I was proud because I was saving a ton of money too.  Anyways that night at about 1130 I layed down, all the sudden my body starts tingling  all over, I have cold sweats, my mouth tastes weird , I'm dizzy and my heart is RACING. Figuring I was probably having a panic attack I did my normal calming methods and tried to lay back down. 5 mins later it happened again. Lasted 3 mins or so then stopped. This happened off an on for about 45 mins until I realized something was wrong. Lance had duty so I called my mom. She told me to call a triage nurse and see what she said. While I was doing that I guess she looked up side effects to Prozac *BC yes I am on Prozac* and called to tell me she was on her way out because my symptoms pointed to a reaction to the medication. I called lance at work, he was able to leave. *thank the Lord for some amazing people that night* My mom got here checked my pulse rate. Wrist was like 102, but after listening to my heart she called 911. She was counting like 190 when listening to my heart. The EMT came, did all my vitals. BP was 161/122. SHIT. Did an EKG and determined that I would in fact be ok and I wasn't at risk for something cardiac related. My vitals came down and the guy asked me "how much caffeine have you had today?" so I told him and his jaw about dropped. I was sternly instructed to lay off the coffee and follow up with my Dr.

I found myself at the Dr nice and early Thursday morning. I had no sleep because the sensation I described kept happening til about 5 am. After talking with the Dr she determined I have an intolerance for caffeine. It was not a reaction to my meds at all. She explained to me that coffee has a half life of 12 hours. So drinking it at night will cause issues well into the early morning hours. She decided to take another EKG to see if there was anything else wrong. She took it a few different readings. When she was finished she explained to me that I was very lucky. My resting heartbeat is low and it is very obvious that I am an active person. She said my heart is probably healthier then someone who weighs 100lbs less than me. She told me that the exercising I do, helped save me. I could've easily had some sort of cardiac arrest with my heart rate being in the 190's but since I put my heart through exercising 2-3 times a week it was able to stand a lot more. I was relieved to hear that. Sometimes I think what I am doing is a waste. I am not getting fast results and it  gets tough. But I realized it probably saved my life. Regardless of the fact that I am no where near my goal weight, the changes I've made in the last year have made a difference. SO if you are reading this, please take this lesson to heart, literally. Small changes can have a huge impact.

Its been 5 days without caffeine. The first 3 days sucked. Headaches, exhaustion and grumpiness were all day events. Yesterday was better and today is better than yesterday. No more stomach aches, no more shakiness. I realize the "off" feeling Ive been having was from all the coffee I had. I am starting to feel normal. *although I am sure my crazy pills help in that too ;)* Sometimes it really is the smallest changes that have the biggest results.

Wrapping it up!

I finally did my wrap! I will admit I was little apprehensive because the thought of putting saran wrap on myself was disturbing. But I did just what the instructions said. I took my measurements. Which I was shocked by so I will be keeping them to myself *sorry guys* I took a hot shower, no soaps or lotions. I then opened my little package. I kept thinking there is NO way this is going to fit all over me. I was so happy when I realized I got to unfold it! I placed it on my belly and then began wrapping myself up like a good plate of leftovers.

At first it burned. Not gonna lie, it freaked me out. I kept imagining my skin turning red and hot and itchy. But after I got pass all of that nonsense it felt fine. The patch itself didn't bother me, the saran wrap made me all sweaty which was weird lol. I kept my patch on for about 2 hours. I was asked by the hubs to not wear it to bed. I guess me being wrapped up like a mummy doesn't make for a good cuddle lol. I drank 2 bottles of water and have continued to drink water all day today. I lost a total of 2 inches overall after all three measurements!!!  My stomach does look a little different. I'm not sure if its the right product for me right now because I still have a bunch to lose. But I will say this. It is something I will be doing when I hit my goal weight. But I will be doing my entire body! This is the perfect product for those who need a little tone. Thanks so much Carla for giving me the chance to try your amazing products! And I am also happy to report I am down 3 lbs thanks to the shakes :)  Here are my before and after pics :)

 

 

Its not a huge difference but you can tell a little bit. I am sure with more wraps the change would be amazing!

Day 2!

I made my second shake this morning using the Profit Vanilla. I just used about 10oz of pineapple juice and a handful of ice and it was SO good.

  I am usually a chocolate fan but this vanilla stuff is delicious! Check out all its nutrition value here.

I feel great. I had a decent amount of energy this morning, despite having my monthly gift. I was a little bummed that it showed up early because the instructions on the wrap say I might not get as good of results. So I am going to wait a few days,and then give it a go. I really want good results so that I can give you guys the best review possible and not has anything hinder that! Here is my setup that is waiting for me when I am ready.

I am really excited to try this. Even if it just makes me look a little better in my jeans I will be one happy camper! Check out the amazing before and after on the Facebook Page

Loves to you all! 

Shake it up!

Ok so I am a bit delayed in my promises of more info on my package! Hopefully everyone checked out the site to get an idea of what it is. Today I made my first shake. 1 scoop of the Profit Chocolate, 10 oz of water, a teaspoon of the greens and a handful of frozen strawberries.

  At first I was a bit taken a back by the taste. I always expect shakes to taste..chalky. But this was pretty good. It took me 4 or so drinks to get used to the taste but it's not bad. I am gonna try the chocolate peanut butter banana one next time. Whats amazing to me is the difference in what this give you vs something like slimfast. Here is a link to the nutritional info on the Profit Chocolate. https://workstation.myitworks.com/FileUploads/DocumentLibrary/Documents/Product%20Information%20Sheet%20%20Ultimate%20ProFIT%20Rich%20Chocolate.pdf



I will post the info for the vanilla tomorrow after I try it.

Also as promised my belly will be in full view in tomorrows post. I am going to Wrap it tomorrow night since the hubs has duty. I will post all my measurements plus step by step photos along with guidelines when using the wrap! Here is to a healthy week!!!!

I recieved a package!

So yesterday I received a package in the mail. This package contains samples of exactly what I've been looking for. Plus a fantastic little extra. This little extra might be the trick some of you need as well. Over the weekend I will be testing these products and giving you guys some a lot of information. Want to know more before my weekend begins? Please visit https://wrapreno.myitworks.com/Home or take a look at the facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/pages/Wrap-Reno/235845026510025

I must admit I am a little nervous about trying something and writing a review but honestly it might be just the thing one of you are looking for too. Also be warned my jiggly belly will be on display in tomorrows post, along with some fantastic measurements that I am sure will make me cringe. Loves to you all and check back soon!

im sexy and i know it

YAY !! I actually have time to write a blog!!!

If you couldn't tell Ive been super busy, or at least it feels that way. Feb is always a busy month. 3 out of the 4 people in my family have birthdays and there are parties and work and school and dance...life pretty much flies by. One thing I added to my plate was my pinup boudoir photo shoot!! I loved it. I am addicted and will be doing it again soon and that's a promise. While I felt great, my unedited photos leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I have so far to go...so so far. First step in a new routine is getting some blood work done. I'm at a loss as to why I am feeling sooo tired all the time, cant lose weight no matter how much I try. I cant seem to get up in the morning to save my life. I keep using the 5 more minutes rule til I am rushing like a crazy person to get myself and the girls out the door. There is a history of thyroid issues in my family and thats the first test I am going to have done. I am also looking at getting some medicinal help for my anxiety. I run on paranoid and less paranoid 24/7. There is never really a time where I am not worried about something. For about 3 weeks I feel like I am just swimming in circles and its got to stop. I need to wake up, shake the funk and live my life!!
I know part of my problem is lance is NEVER home. It's not his fault by any means but I hate that I never see him and when I do it consists of me staring at him while  he lays next to me snoring away because he is so tired. I don't know if I am actually ready to have him gone again * not like I have a choice*

My plan while he is gone however is do some sort of plan. I'm leaning towards advocare right now, I don't wanna do the HCG because I cannot function on 500 calories, but I really want something that is as simple as a shake once or twice a day and a good meal. I know slim fast is the same thing but I am looking for something a little more than that lol. Any suggestions are welcome!!

Also for the record I am so ready for some warmer weather. This snow and cold business effing sucks lol

why it pays to do it, even if you dont want to.

5 lbs gone since the 12th of Jan. I earned every single effing lb of that. I've worked hard to stop snacking when I am not hungry, I busted my ass at the gym. I turned every movable moment into a chance to burn some calories. Those 5lbs are my medal at the end of the race, my trophy for a job well done. My motivation to keep going.
    I have a cough today. One of those awful raspy, gonna lose my voice soon coughs. But I went to the gym, I climbed my big butt on to the elliptical and I got the job done. 2 miles in 30 mins. Not my best time. I CAN do better. But I did it. Then I rowed for 5 mins. And killed myself with some ab and leg work. I didn't stop. I didn't half ass it, I gave it my all, despite sounding like I was gasping for air every 5 minutes. I got sweaty, I got hot. I got what I went there for. I didn't want to go, but I did. And when I stepped on the scale I realized why I was there. It wasn't to impress anyone, or to kill time. It was all for me, and that moment, the pride I can take in myself this week knowing that I am 5lb closer to a happier me.

Even if you don't want to, do it anyway. It will payoff in the end.

funny story.

I am going to start today by telling you guys a funny story. It is OK to laugh, chuckle, snort whatever if you want. I will not be offended. I promise.

 So, as most mothers do, I am trying to make sure my girls practice healthy habits. My oldest does great. My youngest however would eat spoonfuls of sugar if I would let her. She is a sweet freak, but she comes by it honestly. I told her one night that she could not have another snack, and as most 3 year olds do she simply replied back with a "why." My response to her was that if she ate too many snacks she would get bigger and bigger and be too big. With her big brown eyes and adorable smile she looks right at me and goes
" you must have eaten ALL the snacks"

Ouch right? I was slightly mortified, humiliated and amused. I am glad she recognizes what I meant by big, and that yes, I have eaten way too many snacks lol. So I stopped snacking..kind of. I am a nighttime over eater.  If the hubs and I are sitting watching TV at night I will grab something every time I walk through the kitchen, which is alot. I have now, and for the past 5 nights not had a single bite of anything after 8pm. I sleep better, I feel better when I get up, I am hungry enough to not forget breakfast. It is alot easier than I thought. I am still doing the vegetarian thing but I will be REALLY glad to stop on Feb 1st. I want some chicken, BAD.

I am very faithful to the gym. Today was weird though because there were SO many people in the family room at the gym. 11 to be exact. Its usually me by myself or like 2 other people. You could tell some ladies were upset that all the elliptical were taken * there are only 3* and you could tell people were getting annoyed at the machines they had to work with. I didn't care though, I got an elliptical lol. And half of them wont be back after Jan 31st anyway haha. One thing I did notice was that everyone except for myself and another gal came in pairs. Why is that?? It seems like so many women CANNOT go to the gym without using the buddy system. I would rather be alone, work at my own speed and rock out to my music instead of keeping up a conversation or following someone around on THEIR routine. I guess its the one time in the day where I don't have anyone bugging me!!

How are you health habits going now with all the hype of getting in shape around?

New year, Kinda new me.

Ah well its been 1 year since I started this blog. I am 41 lovely followers strong and even though I didn't keep up with it towards the second half of 2011, I am hoping to update you guys better in 2012.
  As for my weight. I weighed in on Christmas at 268. Not 180 like I was aiming for but a loss at least. This is a bigger battle then I think even I realized. When I was 18 it seemed so easy. But then again what isn't easy at 18? I am still on the "losing" streak but I did NOT make weight loss my resolution. Its a cop out. Every one is on that bandwagon in Jan.
  This year I decided that each month I am going to do something I want to try before I die. This will continue long after the 2012 * and please no comments on the pending end of the world bs please!* This month is vegetarianism. A friend of mine asked via facebook if anyone wanted to give it a try with him and I am always up for a challenge so I volunteered. Day 1 was easy, I lived off of leftover cupcakes and spinach dip from our NYE party. Day 2 however proved more difficult. Especially when I took a bite of a chicken nugget * I spit it out* Today has gone pretty well, thanks to spinach pina colada smoothies and smart ones!! I am hoping this will A)keep me away from fast food and  B) give my body a cleanse. Help get rid of all the crap I ate in December.

 In Feb I will turn 27. My present to my self is a tattoo.. FINALLY! I am done saying someday I will get one. I want one, I NEED one. So I am gonna get one. I can't wait.

I also recently found a love for Zumba. I wanted to die while doing it and looked like a whale shaking its groove thing, but I loved it. I am hoping to get it for the Kinect or find a dvd so I can do it at home on top of my gym routine.*if you wanna call it that*

I am excite for a fresh start in 2012 and I hope all of you are ready for the same *if you want one*  If you have any ideas for topics you'd like me to write about please let me know. It's tough coming up with fresh ideas!

Love to you all continuing to follow my journey. And what a long one it is.