i thought weekends were suppose to be relaxing?

I feel like this is the first chance Ive gotten to sit down in the past 4 days. Granted I did it to myself but I know I am going to sleep well tonight because I am exhausted.
   I had one major slip this weekend, it was thursday night at about 10 pm. We had gone to target since Cailyn was with my mom and Ashlin had taken an extra long late nap. Lance as hungry and wanted Nasty crap in a box so I pulled into the drive and almost like a force a habit I started figuring out what I wanted. I dont even think I was really hungry, just felt like I needed, no, DESERVED to eat something. I did however look at ALL the calorie numbers and decided to only to get a sourdough jack. More like sourdough garbage. After I sat and enjoyed every greasy messy bite I wanted to throw up. I felt insanely guilty like I had betrayed someone. There was this knot in my stomach and I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night feeling uneasy and awful. OK not REALLY but close. The grease made me sick feeling and I did regret it. But I slept fine and went on about my friday. I did amazing at sticking to my calories.
   I worked at the trading post on saturday and thank god Michelle is so supportive. She dug through her freezer and found me a lean cuisine for lunch :) We went to a birthday party and chuck e cheese and I bypassed the fries and wings on the plate and reached for the celery. I ordered a salad bar when the pizza came out. And I even asked the girl to cut me a small slice of cake from the center to avoid the calories in an edge piece. I thought for sure someone was going to present me with a medal and award and possibly a trophy for all my hard work. But they didn't so I just gave myself a pat on the back and that was that. I figure when I reach my goal I'll make myself a medal to wear to remind me of these small moments that lead to the big victory. Something flashy, with sparkles.
   Today has been a great day. We went to my best friends house to watch the seahawks game and had a great breakfast. Since she is also trying lose weight she made sure that the pancakes were lo cal and that the syrup sugar free. There was veggie bacon and sausage for us watching our wasitlines and I brought some fruit. I ate plenty and didn't feel guilty about one single bite. The game had its ups and downs but my highlight was trying out their kinect for the xbox. TOTALLY buying it. They had that dance game and after one round of poker face on easy I was sweating my ass off. Seriously. It was slightly embarassing but awesome because I know when I can get a good workout in if we buy it!!  After that amazing display of talent I came home and waited for gym buddy to get here.
  Thats right gym buddy!!! Jackie and I go every Sunday and today I did AMAZING. Well amazing for my standards. As silly as it may sound last week it took me 21minutes to walk a mile. Today I changed up my pace and ran for a minute , every 5 minutes. I was able to cut off 4 mins. I did my mile in 17:03. I know it seems really slow for alot of you but COME ON I weigh 277 lbs. Being able to walk around the store without needing a little rascal is an achievement for someone my size!*Ive never needed a scooter except when I hurt my ankle when I was 14 just an FYI* So my goal for next week is 16 minutes. I think I can do it and the more I lose the easier it gets. I will be able to run a mile by may. I WILL! I WILL! I WILL! ,.... I think. I hope.....no, I WILL!




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