I have a fat closet.

 I've been blessed with amazing people in my life. One of them has been my best friend for about 13 years. She  also had has a struggle with the lbs like me. But lucky for her she has the gift of style. She can always looks great and put together and she can rock a pair of high heels better then most 125lb girls! I however cannot. Sure I try.. but the struggle in the morning to get there is awful. It always involves at least 3 "im so fats" 1 " omg i look disgusting" and at least 5 things flung wildly off my body and thrown against the wall. I recently went through and organized my closet. I've got mild ocd I think. Its all color cordianted and stacked nice and neat. There was something I realized in this process though. I HAVE A FAT CLOSET.

    My stack of sweat pants out piles my stack of jeans by like 6 pairs. Most of my clothing is black and what isn't black I barely ever wear. Sure Ive got some cute key peices but alot of it goes unworn, hell a lot of it goes untouched unless I'm rearranging my color order. But its the the sweat pants thing that is starting to get to me. I really think it's my sweat pants fault that Im fat. That why I have so many pairs. Stupid sweatpants.
  
      I think I wear jeans like once a week.. I will attempt to pull off the sweatpants as an outfit just for the sake of comfort. Im tired of it. I want to pull on jeans and t shirt and have that be cute and comfortable. Instead when I put that on I look feel fat and decide that I am so fat anyway that people expect to see me in sweats so on the go. If its not freezing outside normally I throw them on with a pair of flip flops. Yup. regardless the season I still wear flip flops. I've got my reasons. 1- regardless of how fat the rest of me gets me feet are still semi cute. 2- I don't want to bend over to tie my shoes. Awful I know but its the truth. I'd rather save that energy for the walk to the car. I cant wait for the day when I head out the door in jeans and cute top and some adorable heels just because I can. 

     My best friend was over yesterday for lunch and we were discussing our weight loss goals and plans. She also wants to lose 100 lbs. I joked that we can go on people magazines half their size issue and be the best friends that lost a whole person between them, then she point out that the person we would lose would still be considered fat. And shes right. A 211 lbs person is obese. Makes me really take a long hard look at where I am at. I weigh a large child more then that and that makes me angry. Angry enough to stick with the changes I'm making.

Workout yesterday- 30 mins on the tredmil and all day cleaning the house and staying up and active.

Food for yesterday- I added it up to be about 1900 calories. only one slip and it was a dark chocolate hershey kiss that once i swolled it I wanted to reach down and grab it out. Seriously.