hello 2013

It is official. It is 2013..and I am already 12lbs lighter!! Way to go me on being ahead of the game!! Today has been a little off because I woke up super later and have'nt been feeling that great. I am still on program but I am like 2 medifast meals behind..hoping it doesn't mess with my fat burn mode!! But that aside from all of that there are some other things in my life i would like to talk about

Recently via facebook, I got into what could be by far the most typical high school argument with someone. This is a person that I never really considered a friend so why I engaged in it all is beyond me. But throughout the "discussion" I was referred to as a bully, just like I was in high school. This made me really stop and think a lot yesterday about who I am and who I was. A ton of people came to my defense and said I was the farthest thing from a bully. Which made me feel really good. I know I have always been wicked. If you cast me in a movie, I would play the villain. The bad guy. I'd be a mean girl, an evil queen, a crazy sidekick to a more evil doer...That is just how I am. I have never been a sweet talker, a princess or the hero of a story. Sometimes I don't play well with others but it never comes from a place of malice. It always comes from not having the time or space in my life for people who don't have need to fill a spot. Is that wrong?? I make room for people all the time and I always give someone a fair shake before deciding if they are worth it or not. I don't try to be rude, it just sometimes comes out that way. I don't back down from people, I don't let people get away with things. If you messed up, I will call you on it. Why not? Own up to your mistakes and shortcomings and move forward. I expect people to call me on my things too though. I don't always like it but I always except it. I never want to be a victim. I never want to have to rely on someone else to fight my battles. I have worked long and hard to make myself resilient to the harshness in my life but it has come at a price to others I suppose . I can be vengeful. You want to take me on then do it but I don't play fair. I don;t stop until I feel Ive proven what I need to prove. But I don't ever think I have ever intentionally bullied someone. I don't seek out on a day to day basis attempting to make someones day awful. I never have. I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of ridicule and rejection and in my life it has never been my initial intent to make someone feel that way. Yes my words can be harsh, yes my tone can cruel. But I never start out that way. I come with a warning label. It is in the contract of every friendship I enter into. It is giving to people before meeting me and it simply states this

"I am a really nice person, as long as you don't piss me off"

I have said it so many time I am considering it as my next tattoo... but its true. Don't give me a reason to react. Be my friend, stay positive and come at with negativity in a loving way. I will never see eye to eye with anyone....well maybe one or two people... but other than that, my views, feelings and beliefs run on their own track. All by themselves. I leave myself open daily to discussions and conversations that don't always go a way I had hoped or planned. But it doesn't end friendships or make me a bully..

I hope at least some of this made sense. I am a little tired and a little sick and honestly just a  little sick and tired of it all. Thanks for reading though.. it means a lot :)