Ok so everyone has a story.EVERYONE. whether it's this is my story on how I became a meth head .. or this is my story on how I became a popstar.. so here it is.. my story on how I became...FAT!
Growing up I never really noticed it. Sure I wasn't as tiny as all my friends but as a kid you don't really notice too much. What I did notice though was this one time in 6th grade when I heard someone behind me making a noise. It took me a second before I realized he was mooing....at me. *insert sad noise here* I had a choice .. I could either start to cry or I could stand up for myself. So I turned around and simply told him.. Yep Im fat, glad you noticed. You would think at that point I would start getting proactive and try to get skinny, nope didnt happen. I just stayed fat. The only good that came out of it was learning to protect myself from morons. I will always remember something a friends mom told me when I was younger. You might be fat but those guys are jerks and at least you can go on a diet.
So a few years down the road Im a teenager...and yep still fat. But at this point in my life it wasn't much of an obstacle. I had an easy time making friends and even though people made comments about my weight I had so much practice just ignoring it that I think I honestly became immune to them. Im pretty sure all I heard when people would say stuff was "wah wah wah fat wah wah wah". I through myself into being known for something other then being fat. I put my heart and soul into my high school newspaper and really taking advantage of all the social aspects of high school. I was a part of student government and never missed a football game or a dance. I partied a bit and that was fine. What wasn't fine was my bad habits.. the habits that made me hungry..and made me eat a lot of pizza. What I didn;t realize at the time it was easier to be under the influence then it was to deal with my self esteem issues.
I learned early on in my fatdom that regardless of my size I could still be pretty. A little makeup and a flat iron go a loong way. I had heard my whole life how pretty my face was and how funny I was. Or that people loved my strong personality... *back then it was just a nice way of telling me what I bitch I really was* and I really tried to believe it. I thought there has got to be guys out there that like big women. And trust me there are, but what I slowly realized is that I didn't want to be one anymore.
I tried a few different diets throughout my jr and sr year of high school. The grapefruit diet, where I thought if I had enough grapefruit through out the day I would be a perfect 10 by prom... well problem is I HATE GRAPEFRUIT. So then I stopped eating red meat. Awful mistake because I LOVE RED MEAT. After awhile I got sick of it. Sick of diets, sick of scales, sick of it all. I stopped trying. I let myself be fat and tried to be more content with it then ever. It worked... for awhile.
After graduation I started dating this guy, I'll call him bob. Well bob was nice enough, he didnt talk much though. At the time that seemed great because if you know me.. I love to talk. Well after dating for awhile I started to get this sinking feeling that I was settling.. I thought is this it.. really? Well to say the least I had alot of soul searching to do.
It took some time but I finally figured out my problem. I didnt really love who I was. How the hell was anyone gonna love me if I couldnt even do it myself? So I had to decide.. settle with Mr. canbarelyholdaconversationletalonemyinterestformorethentwoseconds. Or learn to really love me. So I went on another diet. But this time something changed. I had a little friend named determination, and some weight loss shakes.
It took me about 9 months but I did it. I lost about 85lbs. I was working out twice a day, 6 days a week. I had never felt better. And I started to really believe that whole pretty face thing. I really loved who I was and it showed, inside and out.
Well that should be it right? Well its not. Tomorrow I will let you all know how I gained it all back, and then some.
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