Silence is the loudest noise there is.

Today is one of those days. One of those, everything sucks, I want normal life back, dont piss me off or you might get punched in the throat kind of days. I don't know what it is about this business trip that makes it harder for me. I've done 7 other deployments, a 7month stretch in ct, weeks and weeks of schools and trainings. But for some reason this one is the worst. I am grasping at straws on a daily basis to find some normalcy. I am up too late and wake up too early. I am rereading letters and emails. Staring at pictures and crying my eyes out. I can't seem to get out of my own head. I keep trying to tell myself that I am strong, I am independent. I've done this before and I have always survived. But then the scared codependent little girl inside starts crying. She needs the thing that comforts her. It's not a blanket. It's not a teddy bear. Its Lance. Lance is my comfort. He keeps me grounded. Makes my insane a little more sane. He is my everything. I love him more now, than I ever have before. I am made of gunpowder and he keeps me from exploding. I miss him so much today. I miss him everyday but today seems a little bit harder. I need him here, telling me at the end of the day how much he loves me. Giving me my goodnight kiss and giving me the comfort I need. I need that sense of safety and security that I get when I am with him. I always say I am not a princess, that I dont need saving. But today, I need my prince charming.