like it, love it, gotta have it!!!

A friend of mine recently started work at coldstone. Anyone who has ever been knows there sizes are not small medium and large, but like it, love it , gotta have it. I feel like this is how I am going to view myself from now on. I can either get up in the morning, wear sweats and no makeup all day and my husband will like it. Or I can get up and throw on jeans and a tshirt and pull my hair back and he will love it. OR I can get up, look in the mirror, tell myself how amazing I look, put myself in something flattering, do my hair and makeup and he will gotta have it :P

  This came to me last night as I was looking in the mirror while putting my pajamas on. I pinched and tucked and thought, if i loose a bit here id be content with my shape *notice i said shape not size, big difference in my book* But then I thought, you know..as long as a I rock it at any shape or size, there isn't anything anyone can say or do that will make a difference. So until I am at my goal weight I am gonna stay confident and strut my sexy stuff everyday no matter if I am down .2lbs or 20 lbs. 

any thoughts??

Its been way too long.

So I have not blogged in ages. Doing it from my phone annoys and frustrates me sometimes. But I am on an actual computer so I figured Id update a bit. Not too long though considering I am FINALLY sitting side by side with my HUSBAND!!!!!!!!

Things are fab, I am on vacation at my in laws.In the south. Have you ever tried eating healthy in the south? Its nearly impossible. Nothing comes in sugar free and my beloved leafy greens seem to have up and ran away from every grocery store withing 100 miles. BUT i am trying my best, with a few missteps along the way. However I am sweating so much because of the damn humidity that it feels like I've worked out every day. HAHA. I did walk about a mile today though and that made me happy. Yesterday I walked so much and sweated so much that Ill call that a workout too lol. We were at a Tennessee vols football game and it was amazing. I however was sticky,sweaty and I am sure a little smelly. TOTALLY worth it though.

I guess my go get em attitude tapered off a bit, being healthy is still on the top of my daily list of must dos. But the number in my head is becoming less of a haunting nightmare and more of a friend, someone who moved away and will be moving back within the next year or so. We are going to meet for coffee and chat about the old days and the great times we will have shopping and dancing and going to the gym together. I know I wont see it tomorrow but eventually and that's comforting.

love to you all. forever and always!

when the fat get fit

On my facebook I follow this lady that is all about embracing your plus size, if any of you read the nyour body is not voldermort" link i posted she is the one who originally posted the link. There was something on there about getting healthy at any size. I am starting to become a firm believer in being fit while being fat. People are all different shapes and sizes.Each one of us has our own beautiful unique qualities. As long as we are healthy and happy who cares if we fit into a size 4? I love myself more today than I did 6 months ago. Yes the weight loss has helped but getting in touch with my love of me again has come through being proud of my accomplishments. Even the little ones, like not being out of breath when i tie my shoes!

So here is my challenge to anyone that reads my blog, next time you are naked in front of a mirror, instead of poking at your flaws and jiggling whatever jiggles, tell yourself one thing you are  proud of about your self physically. Not "oh I am a nice person" more like
Man my ass looks fantastic in these jeans. Or great job on not devouring the entire box of cookies bc now i feel healthier.

just something positive. please.

one size fits .........

last night while i was on facebook this fabulous lady i know, kasey, updated her status with this "whoever came up with the idea to make clothing 'one size fits all' is either extremely optimistic or seriously delusional"

It got me thinking about how right she actual is! Aside from a scarf most one size fits all is like false advertising. I dont know any other female that is shaped like me. Sure I have plus size friends, but my boobs are bigger and their thighs are smaller. I also have friends that are a milllion feet tall with legs as long as I am tall, some are petite, some not. I dont understand living in a worls where the  fashion industry puts a label on something and we take it for what it is. No matter who you are you are going to come out of the battle with the item with a complex. Thanks alot asses. Making women feel more insecure is not the ideal way to get us to pur@hase items.

Another thing that kills me is the way plus size fashion is designed. Unless you shop at torrid or sometimes targets plus size, you are left with what I call the pregnant box effect.  Its designed to make us with a little extra junk in the trunk comfortable about going shopping. Im sorry what about my womenly figure screams that I am the shape of a square. Its like they sewed two squares of seasonal colored fabris together, threw on some smaller squares for arms and added a sparkly broach for pizzaz and I am suppose to die over how great it looks on me. Wrong.

Skinny people , men and women, often critisize plus size gals who wear stuff thats too small, or too tight, or they make comments about us wearing leggings and patterns that draw attention to us. Well here is some insight, its because we dont want to look like a box. I have waist *its hidden in there somewhere i swear* I have a chest and hips and I dont want to walk around hiding all of it. I need colors and patterns and things that hug me. I need it to feel sexy, to feel normal. Its not easy living in a size 2 world in a size 22 body, and until cute plus size fashion becomes affordable on a walmart budget then some of us are gonna squeeze and tuck and suck ourselves into the biggest size we can find on a rack filled with adorable clothes. I am a firm believer in being fashionable, any size, any budget. I just wish the fashion industry thought so too.  So next time you start to open your mouth to make a snide comment about what someone my size has on, but yourself in her adorable, too tight shoes and think about what other choice she has, and realize she is just trying to think outside the box.

for amy!

I recieved a special request for a new post from my amazing friend amy. She herself took the weight loss journey and her results are amazing!! So with this request I have decided to write a post about something that happened with her...this is the MOST embarassing and humiliating thing that has ever happened to me ...

A few years back we lived in Va. Lance got stationed there and as anyone who has followed me from the begining then you know this is where my weight got out of control. The summer before we moved we made a trip to bush gardens.Amy and her husband and daughter came with us along with my inlaws. Now before I tell the story I want it to be known that I had an amazing time. I am  not one for rides normally because I get motion sickness easily but for the sake of having a good time i sucked it up and went on everything I thought I could stomach. On top of all of that I have this mini fear of  heights and things going upside down. I managed to agree to go on one of those twisty roller coasters. As we are standing there this gentlemen is asked to get off because the bar that goes over you wont latch. Now this was  a big guy, one of those with the big bellies that wear suspenders everywhere. I thought to myself , as every tiny teenager around me was snickering "man that would be so embarassing". So then it comes to us. We climb on, buckle up, and guess who is asked to get off because the harness wont latch. Yup you guessed it...this girl. I was mortified. Lance offered to get off the ride with me but I was so embarassed I just wanted to run and crawl under a rock somewhere. All I remember is just stoppingg halfway down the ramp to cry. Never in my life have I felt like that. I have avoided alot of things like that since then.

This summer we are planning a trip to visit my in laws. We plan on taking the girls to Dollywood. Lots of rides, lots of people. I am so nervous to even attempt to get on a ride that the thought sends me  into a minor panic attack. If I can drop more lbs I will make the attempt. However if I am asked to get off again, the person better be prepared for a punch in the face and the corndog vendor better get cooking because I swear I will drown my embarassment in anything deep fried. Just kidding....I think.

I am excited that I am keeping this weight off..none gained. I can tell a major difference in the way some clothes fit. I went shopping with my mom yesterday and found a few things that fit and I was very excited. A few cute summer pieces.With more weight loss the easier finding clothes gets! The one thing I  dont like though is my legs. Most summers I run around in shorts and dont give it much thought but this summer I am very aware of how off putting and gross they are! I feel reallt bad for people who have been subjected to them. I am trying to stick with sun dresses, which is fine for this whole look I am going for lately. If anyone sees any good deals on thigh covering adorable dresses in a slightly plump size..send them my way!

I hope this was long enough for you amy :)

I might write another blog tonight. Im in a blogging mood.

my life is like a movie

and not the totally awesome kind either. At different points throughout my life I have stopped and wonder why Im there. This is one of those times. The movie that is like my life is .....the wizard of oz. Ive got it all, I have a good witch watching over me, a bad one trying to get me, someone who needs a heart, another that needs a brain, and one thats just a coward. The wizard is there too, trying to make all the rules and seem all knowing and powerful but in real life is just a tiny person with a major complex. I am dorothy. Thrown into a world Ive never been too and left to find my own way home. I find myself a little bit along the way but still long for life to be back to normal.

But normal seems soo far away.

a real computer!!

I am at my moms for a bit tonight so I am taking advantage of having an actual computer to blog from. This blog might get a bit long and wordy so proceed at your own risk :)

First off I am at 263.. 4 more lbs and I will be in the 250s. Still a whale but a smaller one none the less. Its hard sometimes to remember how big I really am *remember my skinny girl in the mirror post?* Especially since everyone is being so kind with their words to me. But alas, today I had a fat moment. I went cake testing with a good friend and bride to be, fine a few bites does me more good then harm * it gets my sweet tooth sweet enough without going overboard* Afterwards we went to Red Robin. I made a healthy choice and that's great. However her friend that came along with us had a baby. She set her carseat in the booth and we had to push the table back a bit, leaving me with a space that is adequate for a normal size person but for me it was a tight squeeze. It was the first time in months I have been truly embarrassed about my size. They ladies didn't make a big deal about it but I felt insecure. When I went to the bathroom, I couldn't help but look in the mirror and tell myself of disgusting I was... I guess it made it alot easier to order healthy instead stuff I shouldn't it. Call it what you will but it worked for me. I hate being reminded of what I really am on the outside.

I went to target yesterday and found this adorable long dress that i LOVE. One thing I don't love is the numbered sizing of plus size clothes. 1 *plus size* 2 *fat* 3 *fatter* and 4 *whale*. I mean sure I don't want to be reminded of my number but in the same sense I feel like the chart was created because a simple l xl and xxl wouldn't suffice. A bigger girls life is consumed by number. Calories, weight, how many oreos she can eat in a sitting without guilt, and now the clothes we buy come down to a number as well. I think its a horrible joke designed by skinny bitches to make me more aware of the extra fluff Ive got. Ugh. Bitches. LOL

All negativity aside I am feeling great. Tired lately but that's a given with 2 kiddos full time thanks to summer vacation! Im starting to feel more beautiful each and every day. and with the year half way over I am glad that this wasn't another year and another resolution wasted. I feel like even though I might not be on track to reach my goal by NYE I am well on my way to a healthier rest of my life. It better get ready because here I come!