Had a great weekend with my family. Spent saturday getting everything to finish the girls' bedroom. Beds are ordered, bedding bought, tv is up. Its going to look so great. I am so excited! I stuck to my diet for the most part. My eating schedule was off but I made decent choices. I also got a new pair of running shoes. My old shoes I bought when I was 19. I will be 26 in a month. I just never have been serious enough to justify buying new ones lol. But I broke down and got some new ones and I love them. They are super cute and SUPER comfy. Cant wait to get to the gym to try em out. Im going to get on my treadmill later tonight to try em out . Hopefully this will make my training for the whale of a run easier!
Spent yesterday just hanging around the house. I spent most of the day cleaning so I was on my feet a lot. Hopefully I burned a few calories :)
Today the girls are going to the dentist and Ive got a few errands to run. Trying to think of something yummy and healthy to make for dinner. Im leaning towards tacos with ground turkey. Some yummy guacamole and some fresh salsa!! Okay I think I made my decision lol. Any good tips or recipes that would go with it?!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I'm there with ya.
Nothing irritates a fat person more then a skinny chick saying I'm right there with ya when its comes to diets and exercise. No... No you are not.
Last night my best friend Jessica and I had one of our.. we are going our in sweats and don't care who sees us nights. We did a little shopping *more like idea shopping*, and got some dinner. We went to applebees because they have their new under 550 cal meals. They also have around 100 drinks. I recommend the mojito. It was delicious and guilt free!! We both drooled over the menu and the got out our phones to start looking up calories. We came to the conclusion that aside from the low cal menu it wasn't worth the calories. Not by a long shot. *75 cals in HALF a cheese stick, no thanks* We both ordered an extra side of steamed veggies and it was really filling! I was so proud of us! We can really be each others worst enemies and encourage the bad habits. While we were in the process of looking over the menu we mentioned something to our size 6 waitress about watching calories and she goes " oh yea right there with ya". SERIOUSLY? Sure maybe you are trying to get in better shape but you are not here with us. You are not going through a weight loss struggle that literally is life or death. You probably don't know what it is like to 5 minutes of a dance game and have everything in your body feel like its on fire. If you slip, no biggie, you'll just jog an extra mile tomorrow. Now I am not saying that skinnier people don't have their own weight loss / health struggles. But coming from a waitress trying to earn a tip I know it's just BS. Makes me realize what a long way I really have to go. But exercising then making a healthy dinner choice is just the things I need to do daily to reach my goals! One day at a time... that's all I can do!
Last night my best friend Jessica and I had one of our.. we are going our in sweats and don't care who sees us nights. We did a little shopping *more like idea shopping*, and got some dinner. We went to applebees because they have their new under 550 cal meals. They also have around 100 drinks. I recommend the mojito. It was delicious and guilt free!! We both drooled over the menu and the got out our phones to start looking up calories. We came to the conclusion that aside from the low cal menu it wasn't worth the calories. Not by a long shot. *75 cals in HALF a cheese stick, no thanks* We both ordered an extra side of steamed veggies and it was really filling! I was so proud of us! We can really be each others worst enemies and encourage the bad habits. While we were in the process of looking over the menu we mentioned something to our size 6 waitress about watching calories and she goes " oh yea right there with ya". SERIOUSLY? Sure maybe you are trying to get in better shape but you are not here with us. You are not going through a weight loss struggle that literally is life or death. You probably don't know what it is like to 5 minutes of a dance game and have everything in your body feel like its on fire. If you slip, no biggie, you'll just jog an extra mile tomorrow. Now I am not saying that skinnier people don't have their own weight loss / health struggles. But coming from a waitress trying to earn a tip I know it's just BS. Makes me realize what a long way I really have to go. But exercising then making a healthy dinner choice is just the things I need to do daily to reach my goals! One day at a time... that's all I can do!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
a love of the outdoors!!
Along with the skinny girl in me dieing to get out, the fatty in there taking up too much space, I found out today that there is a nature lover inside me!! Every day I wake up with more and more motivation in me. Now manifesting this into results is tricky but it's there. So today I took my oldest to school and called my mom to see if she wanted to go on walk with me while I waited to pick my daughter up. I usually have about an hour or so to kill time and the sun is actually out today so some fresh air would do me and my youngest some good! We did one good lap around the neighborhood and then stopped by my sisters to get her to join us. The three of us were out, in our matching fleece vests my mom got us all for Christmas. We looked fabulous btw. We came across this dirt road and decided to take the stroller off roading!!
It was amazing, the trees, the sun. I LOVED IT!!!! I swear by the time my husband gets back I'm gonna only eat granola and never shave my legs *jk!!* We came across this HUGE puddle. I swear it was like 10 feet wide and like 3 feet deep.. so we had to do a little maneuvering to get us all around it and dry on the other side. It was great to overcome this little obstacle because it proved to me that if I can get over the little hurdles to complete the race! It was a great life lesson. So I think I am going to start taking the girls on weekend adventures all around the PNW . I want them to have the same love of the outdoors I discovered today. I just don't want it to take them 25 years like it did me.
What amazed me was how fast time went by. We were out and about for over and hour and it didn't feel like it at all. I could've stayed out longer. So my personal goals, aside from weight loss are to get out more and show my girls the amazing things this earth has to offer us. I am going to start a garden as well. What better way to stay healthy then to walk out into the yard and pick it!
It's ridiculous how amazing I feel right now guys. I weighed in today and I'm still 277. I think my moms scale is stuck on that number :P However I am dealing with my monthly gift and to not GAIN anything this week is a win!! I'm hoping that once its done I can see a decent number. Fingers crossed please!
It was amazing, the trees, the sun. I LOVED IT!!!! I swear by the time my husband gets back I'm gonna only eat granola and never shave my legs *jk!!* We came across this HUGE puddle. I swear it was like 10 feet wide and like 3 feet deep.. so we had to do a little maneuvering to get us all around it and dry on the other side. It was great to overcome this little obstacle because it proved to me that if I can get over the little hurdles to complete the race! It was a great life lesson. So I think I am going to start taking the girls on weekend adventures all around the PNW . I want them to have the same love of the outdoors I discovered today. I just don't want it to take them 25 years like it did me.
What amazed me was how fast time went by. We were out and about for over and hour and it didn't feel like it at all. I could've stayed out longer. So my personal goals, aside from weight loss are to get out more and show my girls the amazing things this earth has to offer us. I am going to start a garden as well. What better way to stay healthy then to walk out into the yard and pick it!
It's ridiculous how amazing I feel right now guys. I weighed in today and I'm still 277. I think my moms scale is stuck on that number :P However I am dealing with my monthly gift and to not GAIN anything this week is a win!! I'm hoping that once its done I can see a decent number. Fingers crossed please!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
insert witty title here.. im too tired to think of one.
In the theme of being honest with you guys and myself.. I did not make it onto the treadmill last night. My monthly gift showed up in the afternoon and put me in a state of pain for most of the afternoon. I did however pop a few Tylenol and dance for a bit with cailyn in the kitchen while I made dinner.. It counts for something right? I do appreciate all the motivating words though. I was just in a lot of pain yesterday. You and I both know its an excuse but I'm making it.. sorry.
Last night Ashlin slept all night, it would have been great if I wasn't awake laying in the fetal position hoping I wasn't going to throw up. Even though the plus side would've been losing a little weight :P*only kidding I know that bulimia is a serious disease, if you or some one you know suffers from this or any eating disorder please contact someone who can help* I didn't get sick but I still feel uneasy today. I managed to have an english muffin for breakfast and didn't even want to eat that! I am trying to take this morning in little bits and if anything I know my eating will be ok today, Ive got some progresso chicken noodle soup and some ginger tea.
I don't have a ton to write about this morning so I guess I will go into the whole body image thing a little more. I always feel like alot of skinny women talk about how they have fat days.. or when they look in the mirror they feel fat. My problem is different. When I lost all that weight after high school I looked great. And even a 100 lbs+ heavier I still see that girl in the mirror. Sure I have days when i feel my size but most days I look in the mirror and see who I once was. It's only in photos or a glimpse in a mirror or window do I see what everyone else sees. It makes it tough. I can look in the mirror and think I look great in an outfit then come to find it its anything but flattering. If I had a ton of money I am sure it would help the situation but I cant see dropping 500$ at torrid just a for a few pair of jeans and a cute top. It's hard enough to get the motivation to get dressed some morning but knowing I spent that much Id keep those items behind glass never to be touched!! I think this is why I am so excited to loose my first 30 lbs. I think this will put me comfortably in a normal size at a normal store and it wont be so hard to be fashionable on a budget. Next time you go somewhere that has a plus size section take a look at half the clothes there... they look like two squares of fabric sewn together. Seriously. Last time I checked I wasn't a square.. more like a stack of different sized tires. But not a square. So I have decided that when i loose that 30 lbs.. i get a new outfit :P
Last night Ashlin slept all night, it would have been great if I wasn't awake laying in the fetal position hoping I wasn't going to throw up. Even though the plus side would've been losing a little weight :P*only kidding I know that bulimia is a serious disease, if you or some one you know suffers from this or any eating disorder please contact someone who can help* I didn't get sick but I still feel uneasy today. I managed to have an english muffin for breakfast and didn't even want to eat that! I am trying to take this morning in little bits and if anything I know my eating will be ok today, Ive got some progresso chicken noodle soup and some ginger tea.
I don't have a ton to write about this morning so I guess I will go into the whole body image thing a little more. I always feel like alot of skinny women talk about how they have fat days.. or when they look in the mirror they feel fat. My problem is different. When I lost all that weight after high school I looked great. And even a 100 lbs+ heavier I still see that girl in the mirror. Sure I have days when i feel my size but most days I look in the mirror and see who I once was. It's only in photos or a glimpse in a mirror or window do I see what everyone else sees. It makes it tough. I can look in the mirror and think I look great in an outfit then come to find it its anything but flattering. If I had a ton of money I am sure it would help the situation but I cant see dropping 500$ at torrid just a for a few pair of jeans and a cute top. It's hard enough to get the motivation to get dressed some morning but knowing I spent that much Id keep those items behind glass never to be touched!! I think this is why I am so excited to loose my first 30 lbs. I think this will put me comfortably in a normal size at a normal store and it wont be so hard to be fashionable on a budget. Next time you go somewhere that has a plus size section take a look at half the clothes there... they look like two squares of fabric sewn together. Seriously. Last time I checked I wasn't a square.. more like a stack of different sized tires. But not a square. So I have decided that when i loose that 30 lbs.. i get a new outfit :P
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
whats with today, today?
Last nights potluck with friends was so much fun.. and I managed to save some calories from the day for the evening and even though I stayed on track *i think* calorie wise my choices of foods weren't overly healthy. I know I felt bad about the cookie thing but then looking at the box i realized it wasn't as many calories as I thought and it made me feel a little better... but after last night, i don't wanna eat sweets again for a few days. Candace made this yummy baklava and i had two pieces and 2 cookies. BLAH. my other choices were good-so its not like i was off my cal count by 1000 calories or nothing but my stomach feels gross!!! lol.
On top of that I got little sleep last night thanks to my youngest. She just tossed and turned and cried and screamed all night. It finally took my husband sleeping on the couch and me sleeping with my head at the end of the bed for her to go to sleep. I don't want to do anything today. But while cailyn is at school I am going to my moms and I think Ill try and do a little workout there.. If not I am definitely coming home and getting on the treadmill ..then I think I'm gonna enforce nap time today, even if it just all of us making a bed in the living room and watching a movie I am getting sleep damnit!!
*WARNING TO ANY GUY READING THIS, GIRLY TALK IS COMING..... NOW*
On top of eating junk and not sleeping my body is simulating my period but with nothing. I know this can happen after the D&C procedure so I am not worried but being on birth control has never been my favorite thing and now on top of it I am having all the normal period things, fatigue and cramps and moodiness but it feels almost worse this time. My motivation to do any form of exercise is gone this week lol. Can someone please just come and pull me onto the treadmill. *ok maybe 2 or even 3 people.. I'm a big girl.* Once I am on it I know I will do it.. and its not like I am stuck on my couch.. I move around the house all day playing with the girls or cleaning. It's just for the past few days the only interaction I have had with my treadmill is when I move it a bit to vacuum around it.
Today is just one of those days you mark in the record books as a fail. I just feel like no matter how much I say I want to workout today I know deep down I am more then likely going to go to my moms and do nothing. Then come home and make hte girls and I lunch then lay down and watch pretty little liars while the girls entertain themselves.. call it bad parenting if you want... call it laziness if you want. I'm just gonna call it Tuesday.
On top of that I got little sleep last night thanks to my youngest. She just tossed and turned and cried and screamed all night. It finally took my husband sleeping on the couch and me sleeping with my head at the end of the bed for her to go to sleep. I don't want to do anything today. But while cailyn is at school I am going to my moms and I think Ill try and do a little workout there.. If not I am definitely coming home and getting on the treadmill ..then I think I'm gonna enforce nap time today, even if it just all of us making a bed in the living room and watching a movie I am getting sleep damnit!!
*WARNING TO ANY GUY READING THIS, GIRLY TALK IS COMING..... NOW*
On top of eating junk and not sleeping my body is simulating my period but with nothing. I know this can happen after the D&C procedure so I am not worried but being on birth control has never been my favorite thing and now on top of it I am having all the normal period things, fatigue and cramps and moodiness but it feels almost worse this time. My motivation to do any form of exercise is gone this week lol. Can someone please just come and pull me onto the treadmill. *ok maybe 2 or even 3 people.. I'm a big girl.* Once I am on it I know I will do it.. and its not like I am stuck on my couch.. I move around the house all day playing with the girls or cleaning. It's just for the past few days the only interaction I have had with my treadmill is when I move it a bit to vacuum around it.
Today is just one of those days you mark in the record books as a fail. I just feel like no matter how much I say I want to workout today I know deep down I am more then likely going to go to my moms and do nothing. Then come home and make hte girls and I lunch then lay down and watch pretty little liars while the girls entertain themselves.. call it bad parenting if you want... call it laziness if you want. I'm just gonna call it Tuesday.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy
I had a fabulous workout. I ate really well.. like really well. Breakfast was whole wheat waffles and fruit..lunch was a smartone meal and i had a snack of sushi after the gym. Came home and ate my small plate of chicken and rice. Then I sent it all to hell *and my thighs* by making snicker doodle cookies for a potluck tomorrow night. I knew that it would be tough to not eat them so i told myself that just 1 wouldn't hurt. 1 turned into 3. I swear this is the point I get to every time. I do sooo great for a few weeks and think I have it under control then bam, the fatass inside me sneaks up and gobbles up some cookies. Well ENOUGH! I am so done with the setbacks. Tomorrow is a new day, that's going to start with a workout and some oatmeal!!!!!
I know I'm gonna succeed this time because instead of saying F it and eating 3 more cookies and a glass of milk.. and some bread with nutella *i swear to everything that stuff is like crack* I jumped on here to confess my sins before all my blog buddies. That's you guys. So this Buds for you, my inner voice telling me to put the cookie back on the plate and save those calories. that way my daughter can stop asking me why my stomach looks like I'm gonna have a baby. I hate explaining to her that I am just fat, LOL.
PS- its not a Bud.... its another 20 oz of water :)
I know I'm gonna succeed this time because instead of saying F it and eating 3 more cookies and a glass of milk.. and some bread with nutella *i swear to everything that stuff is like crack* I jumped on here to confess my sins before all my blog buddies. That's you guys. So this Buds for you, my inner voice telling me to put the cookie back on the plate and save those calories. that way my daughter can stop asking me why my stomach looks like I'm gonna have a baby. I hate explaining to her that I am just fat, LOL.
PS- its not a Bud.... its another 20 oz of water :)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
discouraged.
Had my weigh in today. Not good. I lost nothing. I still weigh 277. 7 days later, i weigh the exact same. UGH! i wanted to scream when i looked at the scale. I haven't had a soda in 7 days. I've been eating well. I discovered a weakness for nutella....but i really limited myself to how much of it i ate!!! I tried drinking a ton of water. I know that these things happen but for someone like me who has a ton of weight to lose a zero week is a huge set back. I wanted to at least see a 2 lb loss this week.
Usually at this point I would come home and drown my sorrow in a can of soda and a bowl of something full of calories and carbs. But I didn't. *BREAKTHROUGH* I have finally broken my creature of comfort attitude. Instead of spending all day bummed and pouting about it I think I should focus on the good. I had a great workout while cailyn was at school, I had yummy breakfast and a good lunch. I FEEL better then I did last week and tomorrow is a new day to try it all again. Any words of wisdom are welcome though, I feel like advice would help get me through this next week to make sure i see a weight loss on the scale!
Hopefully my positive attitude carries through this week. Fingers crossed!
Usually at this point I would come home and drown my sorrow in a can of soda and a bowl of something full of calories and carbs. But I didn't. *BREAKTHROUGH* I have finally broken my creature of comfort attitude. Instead of spending all day bummed and pouting about it I think I should focus on the good. I had a great workout while cailyn was at school, I had yummy breakfast and a good lunch. I FEEL better then I did last week and tomorrow is a new day to try it all again. Any words of wisdom are welcome though, I feel like advice would help get me through this next week to make sure i see a weight loss on the scale!
Hopefully my positive attitude carries through this week. Fingers crossed!
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