A week since I last kissed my husband. A week since I have felt complete. A week's worth of nights sleeping alone. A week since I started back on the journey to health. Alot has changed this week. Some good and some bad. Even though I know it is temporary it still sucks. But it gives me a chance to fix me. And fix me for the long run. I am doing all I can do to stay positive!
Today I stepped on the scale for the first time in about 3 weeks. I am at 279. I thought I had gained back at least 7 to 8 lbs so I was happy. Yes its a few steps back but I am ready for leaps and bounds forward! This next week is going to get intense. I have a long list of things I am making out of my hungry girl book and I am aiming for 3 days at the gym. I am going to make those 3 days count too. Check back for lots of reviews!! From breakfast to appetizers to desserts. I am trying it all!! I also am going to challenge myself to making one vegetarian meal a week. I made some pretty awesome veggie lasagna a few weeks ago and I think it well help me more aware of the way different things taste! Any recipes PLEASE share!
Also my thoughts and prayers are with all the families impacted by today's events. I have several friends with friends and loved ones in Japan and I hope and pray that they are all safe. Please keep them and others in your prayers. It makes you think about whats important in life. <3 each other as much as you can.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
working out!!
Today was a great day. I went to the gym while Cailyn was at school and I got in a great workout. I felt so good all the way through it and when I was done. I gave it my all and am excited to get back in the routine. I am hoping to get in a 3 or 4 day routine and quick!! I had a good day food wise. I discovered my love of whole grain mini bagels and fat free cream cheese lol. I made some of those funky monkey bars from the hungry girl cookbook.. banana and chocolate..and low in calories. HEAVEN!
I am exhausted though. This weather is awful and makes me sleepy lol. I am trying to get through the premier of Too Fat for 15 on the style network.This show makes me cry. It doesn't matter who it is their story hits a nerve every time. I know what it is like to fight this battle as an adult but I can't imagine being my size or BIGGER at 16 years old. Yes I was heavy then but to be 400lbs at the age robs you of your life, of the moments we are all meant to have. You're first kiss, dances, having any sort of a social life. And for some it takes away things like getting their license or even graduating. Kids are mean and teenagers are even worse. I had a tough skin. I was totally rubber in the equation of high school. It just bounced off. I never let it get to me. Had I been bigger and unable to keep up it could'been a different story. I threw myself into activities and being social that I tried to not let it slow me down. Looking back I have some amazing memories but I know there are times that I wish I was smaller. Dress shopping for dances SUCKED. And I remember on the slip to fill out for your cap and gown you are asked for your height and weight, well when I got my gown it was very obvious that someone just looked at my measurements and said ok we need to make thisor a whale. It was embarrassing. I think at one point I contemplated making a blanket out of it. Seriously. I wish there was a place like on this show when I was a teenager, I may not be fighting this war if I had been given a chance like these kids.
I guess my point is that the reality of this is real. Real scary. These are kids that were raised in a super size me world and are paying the price. Breaks my heart every time I see it.
I am exhausted though. This weather is awful and makes me sleepy lol. I am trying to get through the premier of Too Fat for 15 on the style network.This show makes me cry. It doesn't matter who it is their story hits a nerve every time. I know what it is like to fight this battle as an adult but I can't imagine being my size or BIGGER at 16 years old. Yes I was heavy then but to be 400lbs at the age robs you of your life, of the moments we are all meant to have. You're first kiss, dances, having any sort of a social life. And for some it takes away things like getting their license or even graduating. Kids are mean and teenagers are even worse. I had a tough skin. I was totally rubber in the equation of high school. It just bounced off. I never let it get to me. Had I been bigger and unable to keep up it could'been a different story. I threw myself into activities and being social that I tried to not let it slow me down. Looking back I have some amazing memories but I know there are times that I wish I was smaller. Dress shopping for dances SUCKED. And I remember on the slip to fill out for your cap and gown you are asked for your height and weight, well when I got my gown it was very obvious that someone just looked at my measurements and said ok we need to make thisor a whale. It was embarrassing. I think at one point I contemplated making a blanket out of it. Seriously. I wish there was a place like on this show when I was a teenager, I may not be fighting this war if I had been given a chance like these kids.
I guess my point is that the reality of this is real. Real scary. These are kids that were raised in a super size me world and are paying the price. Breaks my heart every time I see it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
i need some vitamin d!
Today's weather made me so tired. I had a ton of things to do today, and despite the downpour I got it all done! The rain did however decide to stop when I got home. That's my luck though! Today was my first jam packed day on my own * minus my sister who watched Ashlin during speech therapy!!* and I rocked it! Girls were amazing and did so well! I might get the hang of this just in time for lance to get back :P
Tomorrow will be my first gym day in WEEKS! Going to get in the habit of going while Cailyn is at school and after Ashlin is done on Friday. 3 days in week in gym and one day a week of walking to speech therapy and back. But that will happen when the sun decided to start making a less the sporadic appearance. I also would like to start walking to dance and back but considering the hill I know I need to lose more weight so I don't die half way up it lol.
I've been seeing all over what people are giving up for lent. Although I am not Catholic I am going to challenge myself. No red meat and no candy. Keep in mind chocolate is not candy. I am talking things that are nothing but sugar and food coloring. Ick stuff anyway but in me giving it up I am going to not buy it for my girls. The red meat thing may last longer then the 40 days though. Kind of sick of it honestly. I can make just as many good dishes with ground turkey! Just like my mozzarella meatballs and the turkey chili that i am making tomorrow! I hope I can stick with it. I feel so good right now that I hope this carries the whole time he is gone. I REALLY want to surprise him with my weight loss!
On a non fat related note I need tips for my yard. Any good ideas for flowers that can survive my black thumb? I also plan on planting a garden so any help is great. Considering I am awful at this stuff though I am considering holding a " help me beautify my yard and my spirit" party. I feel better inside when my outside living space is beautiful. Would anyone be willing to come over and spend the day helping lol. I will provide food and drinks and a good time i promise!!
Something else that I am super excited about today is next weeks produce box from fullcirclefarm.com .. I love EVERYTHING in it. Money well spent. If you are interested visit the site. It is an amazing program if you live in this area and love fruits and veggies!
I hope everybody is having a great week! Happy Hump day!!!
Tomorrow will be my first gym day in WEEKS! Going to get in the habit of going while Cailyn is at school and after Ashlin is done on Friday. 3 days in week in gym and one day a week of walking to speech therapy and back. But that will happen when the sun decided to start making a less the sporadic appearance. I also would like to start walking to dance and back but considering the hill I know I need to lose more weight so I don't die half way up it lol.
I've been seeing all over what people are giving up for lent. Although I am not Catholic I am going to challenge myself. No red meat and no candy. Keep in mind chocolate is not candy. I am talking things that are nothing but sugar and food coloring. Ick stuff anyway but in me giving it up I am going to not buy it for my girls. The red meat thing may last longer then the 40 days though. Kind of sick of it honestly. I can make just as many good dishes with ground turkey! Just like my mozzarella meatballs and the turkey chili that i am making tomorrow! I hope I can stick with it. I feel so good right now that I hope this carries the whole time he is gone. I REALLY want to surprise him with my weight loss!
On a non fat related note I need tips for my yard. Any good ideas for flowers that can survive my black thumb? I also plan on planting a garden so any help is great. Considering I am awful at this stuff though I am considering holding a " help me beautify my yard and my spirit" party. I feel better inside when my outside living space is beautiful. Would anyone be willing to come over and spend the day helping lol. I will provide food and drinks and a good time i promise!!
Something else that I am super excited about today is next weeks produce box from fullcirclefarm.com .. I love EVERYTHING in it. Money well spent. If you are interested visit the site. It is an amazing program if you live in this area and love fruits and veggies!
I hope everybody is having a great week! Happy Hump day!!!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
rough night
Tonight was hard. Every time I started to clean up one mess they girls made another. The just pushed and pushed me to my limit time after time today. They both are in bed , and went surprisingly easy all things considered so now its just me and my thoughts for the rest of the night.
Thought 1 - 9 months is a really looong time
Thought 2 - its a lot harder to eat your feelings if you don't have any junkfood!!
Thought 3- I really should go to bed soon, I am exhausted.
Today as far as food goes went well. Poached eggs for breakfast along with some strawberries and a cup of coffee , a turkey wrap for lunch and some whole wheat pasta *small serving* with turkey meatballs for dinner. I snacked on a little chocolate but eh not a bad day if you ask me. Tomorrow is going to be super busy so I am hoping to keep up my good effort and make smart choices. I am also hoping a good night sleep will do my kids some good. I know it will me. I feel so off and those that know me personally know me out of my routine is not a good thing. However my incredible anxiety seems to be under control. I was so nervous that I wasn't going to sleep at night but I seem to be doing fine. I am having little moments of panic because lance still isn't permanently settled over there.. some paperwork and things is keeping him from having a permanent place to stay. Hoping his 9 months school isn't gonna cost us. Bleh. Happy thoughts .. happy thoughts! Almost Wednesday.. half way through my busy week. Hope I can find some energy to make it! LOL
Thought 1 - 9 months is a really looong time
Thought 2 - its a lot harder to eat your feelings if you don't have any junkfood!!
Thought 3- I really should go to bed soon, I am exhausted.
Today as far as food goes went well. Poached eggs for breakfast along with some strawberries and a cup of coffee , a turkey wrap for lunch and some whole wheat pasta *small serving* with turkey meatballs for dinner. I snacked on a little chocolate but eh not a bad day if you ask me. Tomorrow is going to be super busy so I am hoping to keep up my good effort and make smart choices. I am also hoping a good night sleep will do my kids some good. I know it will me. I feel so off and those that know me personally know me out of my routine is not a good thing. However my incredible anxiety seems to be under control. I was so nervous that I wasn't going to sleep at night but I seem to be doing fine. I am having little moments of panic because lance still isn't permanently settled over there.. some paperwork and things is keeping him from having a permanent place to stay. Hoping his 9 months school isn't gonna cost us. Bleh. Happy thoughts .. happy thoughts! Almost Wednesday.. half way through my busy week. Hope I can find some energy to make it! LOL
Monday, March 7, 2011
my release.
I think blogging at night will be almost therapeutic for me, so I am really trying to get myself in the habit of doing this before bed!
So I am at the end of day 3. I am eating REALLY well and I feel so much better. I forgot how great I feel when I eat healthy! Today I also had my "coach" help me with a little workout. My oldest decided that she was going to help me reach my goal of being a "skinny mommy" by having me run laps around the house and do some push ups and sit ups!! I love my little personal trainer!
On another note did you guys here that the guy who is the spokesperson for the heart attack grill died. He was 29. He died of complications brought on by the flu I guess. Now I know you are asking how this pertains to my blog but it does. Had he been a healthy weight and lived a healthy lifestyle he may have survived. Being obese does way more damage then whats seen on the outside. Not only does it do damage to your bones but it keeps you from being able to fight off diseases. Even if I didn't want to lose a pound this would make me want to make sure my self and my family eat a healthy balanced diet. Isn't it worth it to give yourself a fighting chance??
Something else on my mind today is my love of the Hungry Girl. I have the 200 under 200 cook book and made my first batch of chocolate chip softies. They are this amazingly delicious mix of a cookie and a muffin. Only 88 calories per decent sized cookie!! I know some of you are panting for the recipe so here it is!!
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cp splenda *granulated*
6 tbsp no sugar added applesauce
1/4 cp canned pure pumpkin
1/4 cup liquid egg substitute
2 1/2 tbsp mini semi sweet choc chips
2 tbsp brown sugar *not packed*
3/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
mix all dry ingredients and except choc chips in a large mixing bowl.
in medium mixing bowl mix wet ingredients.
add wet to dry and fold in choc chips.
spray cookie sheet with non stick spray and place 8 even spoon fulls on sheet and bake for about 10 mins on 375!!
i hope i don't get in trouble for sharing the recipe on here but the hungry girl is amazing and if you haven't bought the book you totally should!!! its worth it and there is some really yummy things in there *cap n crunch shake anyone???* I wont be posting the recipes for everything I make but I will give reviews on the stuff i make!!!
well time for my sleepytime tea!
So I am at the end of day 3. I am eating REALLY well and I feel so much better. I forgot how great I feel when I eat healthy! Today I also had my "coach" help me with a little workout. My oldest decided that she was going to help me reach my goal of being a "skinny mommy" by having me run laps around the house and do some push ups and sit ups!! I love my little personal trainer!
On another note did you guys here that the guy who is the spokesperson for the heart attack grill died. He was 29. He died of complications brought on by the flu I guess. Now I know you are asking how this pertains to my blog but it does. Had he been a healthy weight and lived a healthy lifestyle he may have survived. Being obese does way more damage then whats seen on the outside. Not only does it do damage to your bones but it keeps you from being able to fight off diseases. Even if I didn't want to lose a pound this would make me want to make sure my self and my family eat a healthy balanced diet. Isn't it worth it to give yourself a fighting chance??
Something else on my mind today is my love of the Hungry Girl. I have the 200 under 200 cook book and made my first batch of chocolate chip softies. They are this amazingly delicious mix of a cookie and a muffin. Only 88 calories per decent sized cookie!! I know some of you are panting for the recipe so here it is!!
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cp splenda *granulated*
6 tbsp no sugar added applesauce
1/4 cp canned pure pumpkin
1/4 cup liquid egg substitute
2 1/2 tbsp mini semi sweet choc chips
2 tbsp brown sugar *not packed*
3/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
mix all dry ingredients and except choc chips in a large mixing bowl.
in medium mixing bowl mix wet ingredients.
add wet to dry and fold in choc chips.
spray cookie sheet with non stick spray and place 8 even spoon fulls on sheet and bake for about 10 mins on 375!!
i hope i don't get in trouble for sharing the recipe on here but the hungry girl is amazing and if you haven't bought the book you totally should!!! its worth it and there is some really yummy things in there *cap n crunch shake anyone???* I wont be posting the recipes for everything I make but I will give reviews on the stuff i make!!!
well time for my sleepytime tea!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Im BAAACCCKKK!
So due to the lack of wanting to I took a mini break from blogging..and my diet and exercise. Basically I am starting from square one right now. I feel great about it this time. I purged my cupboards of junk food and shopped with healthy habits in mind. I am going to get back on the wagon *hopefully it doesn't break!* and its starting today. Breakfast is 2 poached eggs and a slice of a whole grain toast. lunch will consist of a salad with a bit of tuna and some other raw veggies. The girls and I are going to look through my healthy cookbooks and decide something to make. I am going to go to the gym tomorrow after ashlins drs appt. good start in my book i guess. Within the next month of so I am starting a food plan that my friend Amy sent to me. Very easy and so healthy. She lost 95 lbs in 10 months. She looks amazing!! I need to get a food scale though . I am going to look for one this week!
Another way I am trying to not self sabotage is going on a VERY strict cash only budget while lance is gone. Not only do me and the girls have to manage here but he has to have $ while he is gone also . I have decided to really limit my spending and in doing that I have to make smarter choices at the store and won;t have room in the budget to go out to eat all the time like we have been. In the long run it is going to be a great way to save money too! I am really trying to do things different while he is gone so when he gets home I have these new habits in place.
I miss him like crazy and it makes it really hard to focus on me. It has only been a few days and I know it will get easier as the days go on but right now it is all i think about really. I have had lots of distractions this weekend thanks to amazing friends though! and yesterday I took the trash out for the first time since living here lol. Lance usually does it. I felt incredibly independent but i can't wait for him to be back lol.
That's it for today! Tomorrow night I will get in the habit of writing every night! I need routine so bad!
Another way I am trying to not self sabotage is going on a VERY strict cash only budget while lance is gone. Not only do me and the girls have to manage here but he has to have $ while he is gone also . I have decided to really limit my spending and in doing that I have to make smarter choices at the store and won;t have room in the budget to go out to eat all the time like we have been. In the long run it is going to be a great way to save money too! I am really trying to do things different while he is gone so when he gets home I have these new habits in place.
I miss him like crazy and it makes it really hard to focus on me. It has only been a few days and I know it will get easier as the days go on but right now it is all i think about really. I have had lots of distractions this weekend thanks to amazing friends though! and yesterday I took the trash out for the first time since living here lol. Lance usually does it. I felt incredibly independent but i can't wait for him to be back lol.
That's it for today! Tomorrow night I will get in the habit of writing every night! I need routine so bad!
Friday, March 4, 2011
first day
so today is my official first day. dropped lance off and now i can start the countdown til he comes home. i am doing this from my phone though so tonight i will make an officialy post.
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