So I have discovered my love of the gym again. Ive been going alot and along with cutting my calories by 500 i am now down to 267! I have stopped eating past 8pm and I swear to all that is Holy that its the hardest thing EVER! I am such a late night snacker that using my will power makes me exhausted. I've slept better these past few nights, which really surprised me.
Blame it on being well rested but I have felt so pretty the past few times I have ventured in public. Last week the girls and I went to a family fun night and i got so many compliments on my hair and makeup and today i had an older lady at the commissary tell me that purple is definitely my color. I guess I am realizing that when I feel good I look good! For the first time in 4 years I don't feel like a fat frumpy mom!! Ok maybe i still feel fat,..but that's besides the point!
I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of some nicer weather. I really want to start walking more. By the time lance gets home I want to comfortably and honestly say " hey i am going for a run"
I have an honest question for all of you out there and regardless your answer it wont offend me or make me upset.
When you see a gal, my size, outside walking or jogging what is your first opinion?
I always get nervous someone will throw something at me or tell me to move my fat ass out of the way. I think I revert back to gym in middle school or something. I know I always think positively when I see it but that's because i know how hard it is to get out there and do it. The struggle of finding the shirt that isn't so baggy you look bigger but not so tight that you look like a stuffed sausage. The struggle of bending over to tie the shoes that don't provide enough support anyway. How painful those first few steps are on your back, knees, hips and hell every other part of your body. How gross it feels when all your fat is moving. BLAH. How hard it is to breathe once you hit the top of the hill.... or the end of the block. But I also know how amazing it feels when you are done. Who cares that you will be so sore in the morning you will crawl to the shower.
Tomorrow is another day, I will struggle to tie my shoes *which provide great support* I will choose the most flattering workout outfit I have and I will struggle to make it through my 40 mins of cardio and 20 mins of weights and stuff. And when I am done I will feel like I can do anything.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
america is dieing on their knees from obesity
For those that don't recognize my title, its from Jamie Oliver. I am addicted to his food revolution show. It opens my eyes to a world that I am scared to send my girls in to. I am vowing now to pack my kids lunches everyday when they enter public school. Things in this country need to drastically change. Its not fair to feed our kids into an early grave because parents don't have the knowledge or money to prevent it. I am also pleased to reveal that cailyn is giving up her McDonald's habit. For those that don't know, my daughter loves McDonald's. It stems from an awful and lazy habit I started when she younger. Over the weekend I have showed her that there is a tastier way to get the same stuff at home. She bought it and now every time we pass by she says "no McDonald's for me" <3
This is a turkey mushroom burger on a 100 cal sandwhich thin. Baked fingerling potato fries as a side dish
This is turkey on 100 cal whole grain mini bagels with 10 pop chips and 2 large strawberries! i used low fat cream cheese instead of mayo!Not only am I eliminating the eating out for health reasons but for money reasons too. Before I could easily spend 50-75$ a paycheck on eating out for me and the girls. I think about how much good meats and fruits and veggies that could buy! No more for us. I will start packing the girls lunches if I know I am going to be gone during lunch, if I get in the habit now I will continue it later in life.
I am also proud to report that I gymmed it up 5 days last week and went yesterday. I didn't go today but I did mow my backyard. OMG what a freaking workout. I didn't do that great but it was a jungle and I was out there for at least 30 mins so I know I got my cardio in! Now the girls and I can get out there and kick the ball around whenever we get a glimmer of sunshine! * please keep in mind I am praying it doesn't snow tonight since its going to be 30 degrees out!* Tomorrow we will walk to and from cailyns speech therapy. I also think turning on some music in the morning and dancing while I clean will do us all some good. Music just feeds my soul in ways I can explain!
My weekly challenge is to drink ONLY water. I hope I can keep with it. Taking it a week or even a day at a time makes things more possible.
I watch the show too fat for 15 fighting back every week. So I will leave you with this to chew on for a bit
"This is the first generation of teenagers that may die before their parents"
Scary huh. It starts with us as parents to teach healthy habits. If you don't want to do it for yourself do it for your kids. It is worth it to give them a fighting chance at life.
Monday, April 11, 2011
losing someone helps you gain perspective.
What a weekend. I don't think I have ever been this mentally exhausted in my life. Over the course of 4 days I dealt with the loss of a family member, the possible loss of a paycheck, the loss of my dads marriage and house, the loss of my cool with a jerk at the restaurant, the loss of my diet, and eventually the loss of my sanity. 4 days worth of losses makes me really think about what I have in my life.
My first loss, the passing of my aunt Debbie. She was a great woman and her death leaves a whole in the hearts of everyone around her. The only positive about the situation was she brought all my family together. I have spent more time with my cousins this weekend then i have in the last 5 years combined.
I know she is in heaven smiling down on all of us as we reminisce and look through old family photos. She is up there watching and waiting for hte rest of us. I just keep telling myself she is up there at her best and no longer suffering at her worst.
The 2nd loss made me more sick to my stomach then I already was. The potential government shut down made me panic. Half of a paycheck is almost worse then at all. Trying to figure out what gets paid and what gets put on the back burner and how to manage food and gas. Thank God someone somewhere pulled their heads out and it didn't actually happen. It was an added stress I didn't need though.
While staying with my dad and step mom I witnessed what years of fighting does to a marriage and a love that was once there. The arguing was painful to watch and it was even harder for me to know my kids were there watching it . Ive tried my whole adult life to not do that. I am not always successful but I try. It was hard to watch my dad deal with the loss of his sister and have to attempt to move out. It was the most stressful on my sanity. It made me more thankful then I have ever been to have Lance in my life.
The jerk at the restaurant story boils down to this. Me and a longtime friend Rachel went to have lunch. she also has a daughter close to Ashlin's age. The girls were making noises but none of them were running around and none of them were being any louder then normal. At one point Rachel did tell zoey to shh and this guy who was eating with what i assumed were his wife and adult son said , Thank you finally. Thats all it took. i lost it. I told him he had no right to try and make us feel embarrassed about being out to lunch with our kids. At one point his wife told me that I needed to teach them some manners,For any of you that have met my kids know that Cailyn especially has amazing manners. I continued to tell him that we had every right to be there and were sat back in the corner for a reason. This place is a diner type setting and seems family friendly. The adult son had the nerve to tell me " this isn't a daycare honey you are delusional" I simply responded with you're right its not because Nobody else is watching our kids but us. The guy is lucky that there was a table and my kids between me and him or my water would have ended up on his lap.. and my fist in his face. It was not the time to make me mad. Stupid assface.
At even given point this weekend I either didn't eat or when i did eat, i made bad choices. I did however realize how important my health is in order to stick around for my girls. I don't want them to go through what my cousins are going through right now just because I cant have a little will power. I am trying twice as hard ., Gym tomorrow and I am going to work harder then ever.I think its needed to get my sanity back!
My first loss, the passing of my aunt Debbie. She was a great woman and her death leaves a whole in the hearts of everyone around her. The only positive about the situation was she brought all my family together. I have spent more time with my cousins this weekend then i have in the last 5 years combined.
I know she is in heaven smiling down on all of us as we reminisce and look through old family photos. She is up there watching and waiting for hte rest of us. I just keep telling myself she is up there at her best and no longer suffering at her worst.
The 2nd loss made me more sick to my stomach then I already was. The potential government shut down made me panic. Half of a paycheck is almost worse then at all. Trying to figure out what gets paid and what gets put on the back burner and how to manage food and gas. Thank God someone somewhere pulled their heads out and it didn't actually happen. It was an added stress I didn't need though.
While staying with my dad and step mom I witnessed what years of fighting does to a marriage and a love that was once there. The arguing was painful to watch and it was even harder for me to know my kids were there watching it . Ive tried my whole adult life to not do that. I am not always successful but I try. It was hard to watch my dad deal with the loss of his sister and have to attempt to move out. It was the most stressful on my sanity. It made me more thankful then I have ever been to have Lance in my life.
The jerk at the restaurant story boils down to this. Me and a longtime friend Rachel went to have lunch. she also has a daughter close to Ashlin's age. The girls were making noises but none of them were running around and none of them were being any louder then normal. At one point Rachel did tell zoey to shh and this guy who was eating with what i assumed were his wife and adult son said , Thank you finally. Thats all it took. i lost it. I told him he had no right to try and make us feel embarrassed about being out to lunch with our kids. At one point his wife told me that I needed to teach them some manners,For any of you that have met my kids know that Cailyn especially has amazing manners. I continued to tell him that we had every right to be there and were sat back in the corner for a reason. This place is a diner type setting and seems family friendly. The adult son had the nerve to tell me " this isn't a daycare honey you are delusional" I simply responded with you're right its not because Nobody else is watching our kids but us. The guy is lucky that there was a table and my kids between me and him or my water would have ended up on his lap.. and my fist in his face. It was not the time to make me mad. Stupid assface.
At even given point this weekend I either didn't eat or when i did eat, i made bad choices. I did however realize how important my health is in order to stick around for my girls. I don't want them to go through what my cousins are going through right now just because I cant have a little will power. I am trying twice as hard ., Gym tomorrow and I am going to work harder then ever.I think its needed to get my sanity back!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I think Ill go for a walk outside now..
Today was national get out and walk day. So we did just that. I needed a few things from the store and I live within about 10 mins *walking distance* from one. So instead of wasting gas, because its like a million bucks a gallon, I geared us all up to take a walk. It was a bit windy and cold on the way up but we powered through. I opted not to bring the stroller.. its good for the girls to get some activity in as well! I wouldn't call it a great workout for me but it was a nice few moments with my girls and the fresh air did us some good. The way home was great. Super sunny and beautiful! I even opened the windows when we got home to let the cool breeze in. Here are some pics I took from today!
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| windy! |
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| she tried her hardest to keep her balance |
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| rock climbing lol |
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| little legs cant go as fast |
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| she found this little bunny on the road! |
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| she felt left out.. rocks it is! |
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| the home stretch |
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| i love a spot of color on a nice day! |
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| sitting on the bus bench at the store |
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Its been awhile.
Due to circumstances beyond my control I have been MIA for a bit. Those circumstances being 2 tweenage girls in my house since Saturday! Blogging from my phone just doesnt cut it for me :P
Along with a lack of blogging there has been a lack of exercise, and a little lack of eating healthy. I havent gained any weight back but I am just not caring for some reason. I need a big wake up call this week. EEK. Trying to get the energy to workout seems so fruitless this week. I did however find the cutest dress at forever 21 and ill admit i was a little depressed that i couldnt just buy it. I did take a picture of though.. just to remember what it looks like.
Maybe someone can make it for me when i get all skinny lol. I just love it. I know some people might not but I do! I keep thinking about how I really want to do some pin up pictures. Everytime I look in the mirror I tell myself that if i was thinner I would have the confidence to do it. Im going to work so hard. Just looking at the dress makes me feel fat. I don't want to be fat anymore. I dont want to be this way anymore!!!! I have 3 months to get ready for the run and another month to get ready for my friend johns wedding. I am not showing up to his wedding in california in august 270 lbs. I cant do it.
Another thing I want is a tattoo. I know exactly what I want but I am not tattooing my fat. NOT HAPPENING. Ugh even imagining a tattoo on myself right now makes me want to hurl. I cant imagine everyone elses mental image right now! If anyone who reads this can draw or sketch let me know if youd be willing to help me sketch it out!!!
Life without the hubs is just that, life without him. I hate it but we are all managing. It gets easier everyone morning I wake up. But I miss him like crazy and that sucks. Its a constant thing in the back of my mind. Especially when he is out of class by noon and think about how great it would be if his school was out of bangor. lol. I guess thats the life of a navy wife ;)
Its time to put on some music and shake my groove thing while I clean this house. I know you are all jealous right now.. but dont worry its not as fun as it sounds!
Along with a lack of blogging there has been a lack of exercise, and a little lack of eating healthy. I havent gained any weight back but I am just not caring for some reason. I need a big wake up call this week. EEK. Trying to get the energy to workout seems so fruitless this week. I did however find the cutest dress at forever 21 and ill admit i was a little depressed that i couldnt just buy it. I did take a picture of though.. just to remember what it looks like.
Another thing I want is a tattoo. I know exactly what I want but I am not tattooing my fat. NOT HAPPENING. Ugh even imagining a tattoo on myself right now makes me want to hurl. I cant imagine everyone elses mental image right now! If anyone who reads this can draw or sketch let me know if youd be willing to help me sketch it out!!!
Life without the hubs is just that, life without him. I hate it but we are all managing. It gets easier everyone morning I wake up. But I miss him like crazy and that sucks. Its a constant thing in the back of my mind. Especially when he is out of class by noon and think about how great it would be if his school was out of bangor. lol. I guess thats the life of a navy wife ;)
Its time to put on some music and shake my groove thing while I clean this house. I know you are all jealous right now.. but dont worry its not as fun as it sounds!
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